Friday, July 10, 2009

"... But I'm Going to Change!"

As I was running in the KC rain this morning, I thought about how funny we humans can be in our self-mental-medicating. In the middle of conversations, we find ways to insert a seal of approval on our behavior:
"Oh ya, I'm a little narcissistic."
"I can be a total bitch."
"I'm kinda lazy."
We say these things as if they are no big deal; as if our announcing them to our friends and ourselves makes it fair to act these ways... setting us up perfectly for the, "Well, I told you I act this way!"

Maybe we think that if we announce it, then we can accept it enough to attempt to deal with it. Maybe we're a little embarrassed by acting that way, but telling the world about it is a reach for someone else to identify with us and claim that they are the same way.

But, acceptance doesn't change behavior. Validation from peers doesn't help you to eat less, get off the couch, think about your selfish ways or think more about others and less about yourself. In fact, acceptance reinforces that it's okay to continue in the same behavior.

Next time you get the urge to say something negative about your self, add this to the end of it, "...but I'm going to change."
"Oh ya, I'm a little narcissistic, but I'm going to change."
"I can be a total bitch... but I'm going to try and be more thoughtful."
"I'm kinda lazy, but I'm trying to change by going for walks."
YES, while you're at it--if you're bold enough--tell the world HOW you're changing your behavior and my bet is that you'll find that your friends also identify with your attempt at change and validate the positive instead of the negative.



@ChrisCulbertson said...

Great post. I posted my first #ideasthatchangetheworld the other day. I am all about small personal changes to better the world. I think that most people think that overall they are a good person, but what I challenge people to do is examine closely the daily and even hourly decisions and choices they make. Challenge the way you react. You behavior and attitude are not determined by others and by what happens to you. They are determined by how you respond to other people and by what happens to you. Great read - "Fish" with the message...Choose your attitude!

Robert Zamees said...

Absolutely! Sorry that I changed your tweet to remove the hashtag when I RTed. We need to get together for that coffee soon... I'm trying to take a travel time out for awhile, so I'm around.

Keep smiling!