Can You Adjust My Timing?

If things are constantly changing, then what's timing got to do with it? Think about it, if we were in a relationship and I said to you, "Our timing is just all wrong," what would you think?

Image via Wikipedia

Timing. The synchronization of the sparking of the plugs with the movement of the pistons in an internal-combustion engine. Timing.

If we make a little adjustment, our timing could instantly be right... right? Yet, so often we junk the whole sha-bang just because the timing is off. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a love mechanic... and I sure could use one in my back pocket: trustworthy, friend of the family, gives me the truth and good rates, you know?

If I said to you what I said I'd say to you in the second sentence I wrote above, it'd be a reactive comment about timing. In other words, our timing sucks and I'm tired of trying to fix it. That's one thing, but what about when you've met someone amazing and your timing is wrong? How am I supposed to know how to tune the engine when I don't know that much about how it works?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately and my opinion? You have to take time to make time (or have a really, really well-educated love mechanic in your back pocket that knows how this engine works just by looking at it). When I say "take time," I mean that you have to find the patience to learn about how the engine works--how its timing is supposed to be adjusted. Taking the time to understand its complexity means that you can make time in the future to adjust it.

In my last I'm-still-not-sure-what-to-call-it relationship, the timing was very wrong. Instead of learning more about the engine, we got into the car and jammed down the gas pedal, but left the car in neutral. What happened? We didn't go anywhere. I warned that we were going to spend all this time simply trying not to break it until the timing was right. Sho nuff. We cracked the block, watched all the oil spill out and then shot a piston right out of the side of the car.

Joy ride. But like, joy ride without leaving the garage. *Yawn*

After that, I stood on the street corner, hands in pockets, not thumbing for a new ride, just being contemplative. Even so, a new ride slowed as it passed and a sealed envelope got tossed out of the passenger window, which I caught and read. It said:

"If we take time to make time, then we'll save time when it is time."

I flipped the letter over, pulled out my Capt. Crunch invisible ink pen and wrote:

"Promise?"

And then tossed the letter back into the car.

Things of Me

In a call with my favorite executive recruiter this week, it dawned on me how to easily define my affinity for marketing and writing.

Image by Kristian D. via Flickr

She asked, "What do you want to be right now?" Her explanation stemming from the fact that if you look around at the stuff that's publicly available about me, it sure looks like I really want to be a writer instead of a marketer. My response was simple enough, with no one paying me to be a marketer, I'm spending a lot of time writing.

But, I thought, what makes them so similar?

To me:

• Marketing is a strategy with some composition.
• Writing is composition with some strategy.
  

They are the same ingredients, different recipe, made up of things that I truly love. My ability to find creative, unique ways to operate within the set of rules defined for a project or for a world of fiction that I've created from scratch both feed my soul. Yummy goodness.

Speaking of the book, we are sooooo close. Three more chapters to rewrite and they are tough, tough, emotional ones where I must... oh, wait, I'm not gonna give it away. ;-) I've got a core group of friends that are hammering on the draft--blowing through it actually--and keeping me focused on getting through this project. Y'all are the best.

Keep reading, I love it when I hear from all of you in comments or email or Twitter!

Thank you!

Depth and Taxes

I haven't learned how to scuba dive (yet), something about having to monitor your alcohol intake while

Image by giveawayboy via Flickr

on vacation? Yeah, when we get to that part, I check out of Dodge. But, I'm not here to converse about the water; I'm here to discuss the mind.
Perhaps my greatest friend in the world--also known as the person that knows me best and someone I actually listen to when she scolds me--tells a great story about the snorkeler vs. the scuba diver. No one can argue that there are people that don't think enough and people to over-think everything, obviously there is depth to thought. Personally, I spend a lot of time every minute of my day thinking about the world, life, my mission, Promise and I share a lot of these thoughts with you. There are people that never think about these kinds of things at all. As much as I think we should all spend time in the depths once in awhile, I can't argue with the beautiful things that I've seen snorkeling and the pictures of the things that I've seen from the depths. In other words, I see the merit of living a simpler life in the world of tangible things instead of constantly trying to approach and interpret ideals.
When two people get together and one them is scuba certified, the other typically goes through the process so that they can dive together. My first question, can a thought-snorkeler learn to thought-scuba dive? If so, what does the certification process look like?
What does the Twitterverse have to say (follow @zamees)?
D-Zaster: You can't. I like that "the depth you need to be happy". Needs never go away, they can be substituted, i.e. happiness for food, but they never go away.
B: Can you ever find happiness through substitution?
D: No, it might seem like happiness, but that original need still exists even if it is buried.
--
Char: I'm not sure you can make anyone do anything beyond their capacity and alignment- have they just not the skills and perspective yet, or are they wired / incapable of handling the depths you need?
B: Someone that's not wired for exploration at such depths.
Char: Ahhh. Well then, they are probably not designed to fit the role you need.
B: This is a hypothetical, btw, but how would you extract yourself from them (the relationship) using "depth" as a reason?
Char: By explaining that you have different drives, natures and as such have different needs based on those. Neither of you are wrong or lacking--you just can't productively operate within the current role (i.e. type of relationship), and thus will end up disappointing and frustrating each other because of that.
So, with the question, "How do you make someone that can't go deep understand the depth that you need?" people seem to think that the answer is, "You can't." E gad, I don't like that answer at all, but it just might be true. Now, when I say "you can't," I mean that you can't with a clarity of mutual understanding. Seems that those I spoke with believe that writing to be on the wall; your tax bill is due and it's a disastrous one.
However, I believe that you can. Maybe it's because I'm an optimist, but it would make sense that you'd have to point to tangible examples in the world in order to get a tactile person to understand what you mean. And, isn't that what we attempt when we're trying to approach ideals, replicate their existence in the real world? Yes, of course it is.

• These are the things that are important to me and I live to discuss them.
• In my heart, I know that this is my mission in life.
• You know when this always happens, I really want that to happen.

Only in your own life will you be able to find the right examples. With the right examples, you can ease the burden and approach understanding. Just like taxes, there's no avoiding the pain that will occur, but with solid accounting you can minimize the damage.
[I'm just gonna press "Publish" now even though I mixed water and tax metaphors... couldn't resist the "Depth and Taxes" title and on the verge of saying something about blood and water...]

What if she were you?

A little snippet from last weekend's work on my book...

A few steps toward the other side of the car and I stopped in my tracks. The edge, literally, of the road was right under my toes with nothing but a sea of black below—several hundred feet below. For a brief moment, I dreamed of taking one more step and of the wonderful, weightless ride I’d feel as I floated to the impact to be found below down to the water, where gravity would instantly introduce itself back into my life.

Foamy sea and jagged pillars of rock called my name in the dark. Souuuuuup. Be with us. We want you. No one else does. We doooooo. It was nice to be wanted, to have the company of someone that wanted me as much as I wanted them. Evolve. Rebirth. They were waiting for me below. I had to fall in order to become something else. As if a diver, I stood with my toes over the edge of the platform and raised my arms, outstretched to form the preliminary T.

I felt warmth over my left shoulder. When I turned my head, slowly, the lights of an oncoming car continued around the bend towards me. As they passed, headed in the opposite direction as I, all faces inside of the vehicle were pressed to the glass and looking at my statuesque pose, poised for change. It seemed odd that they didn’t stop, but perhaps I looked more odd than the internal call of their Good Samaritan. When the lights rounded the bend behind me, I felt cold, very cold, and backed up from the ledge. I could drive without removing the leaves on the passenger side; the voices would just have to wait, for I needed to find more warmth.

--
What if she were you?

The book that I'm writing is a translation of the language of my soul. It is written in a way to, hopefully, inspire the masses, but it's really the siren song for my true love (minus the deadly reef, of course)... if there is a woman out there that can understand the lyrics, she just might be my match, my Promise, my forever and ever amen.

So, what if she were you?

What would you do?