@zamees Opts Out of Contract w/ #KC5

KANSAS CITY, MO, August 7, 2009 -- @zamees opted out of his multi-year contract with the #KC5 on Friday in what appears to be a surprising end to a tumultuous week in camp.

@zamees' decision, announced via Twitter earlier today, immediately makes the gentleman a free agent.

"I'll be honest with you, the head coach and I couldn't agree on what I felt was going to be a successful game plan," @zamees stated. After shaking his head, he continued, "We had a long discussion after two-a-days and, at the end of it, I told him that I'd have to sleep on it and get back to him. I didn't get much sleep that night which made for a horrible practice the next day, but also really gave me time to think about my future with the team. There's just no possible way that I can see myself being successful in this environment any longer. I do wish my teammates the best."

Visibly shaken, @zamees walked away from the podium without taking any additional questions from the media.

@zamees loses the final $72 million in guaranteed salary in his record contract, which he signed earlier this year. It is unclear whether the #KC5 will attempt to re-sign @zamees if he chooses to stay in the area. The move is surprising in many circles, since his return to the team after nearly 20 years away only recently occurred.

This reporter reached @zamees agent on the phone and learned that he has no plans to actively seek another team for this coming season. In fact, he says that he's already cleaned out his locker and relocated to his personal island.

He refused to provide any underlying reasons for his decision. However, he did close with this comment, "The sooner you get to 'no,' the quicker you'll know," then said he was going to retire to the pool, alone and smiling.

My Best Buy Contest Submission

The following job description is my submission to the Best Buy job description contest... nothing to win but for a lil' writing fame.

RESPONSIBILITIES
The Sr Manager, Emerging Media Marketing must be able to, first of all, create an acronym for his or her title because saying the “Sr Manager, Emerging Media Marketing” each time the position is referred to will contradict one of the qualifications below: Efficiently manage one’s time. For the purpose of this job description, we will use “SM,EMM”, it’s up to you whether you wish to recognize the pause dictated by the comma in the title (however, please reread the qualification about time management).

The SM,EMM must be responsible, as this section suggests. Responsibility means being relied upon to make sound decisions on one’s own in accordance with the company message and be accountable for such decisions in the areas of strategy, budget and management. It also means that the employee mustn’t @ reply when the tweet called for the privacy of a DM. In emerging media, it is important to be authentic and accountable or someone will bust you. It is also important to remember that an organization has fewer than four hours to respond to any misleading or improper information posted online (such as videos taken by employees in the back of the store), therefore the SM,EMM must be available 24/7 in case of such emergencies.

This employee is required to understand as much as possible about the brands, products, initiatives and services of the company or, when in doubt, leverage the general public for the correct information since the internet has more information and has proven to be quicker to report it than any other medium.

There are a billion people in the world that can use the tools that the SM,EMM will have to use and there are a many who can tell a story, but few that can do both. The SM,EMM must be a master in the art of persuasive non-fiction through the channels of emerging media. Long gone are the days of epic public relations fables, today’s communications specialist must be eloquently pithy.

The SM,EMM must not only be virtual, but must interact with real people, as well. This position will serve as the liaison between the company and our agency partners. Developing a network to accomplish tasks is a must in this position and the SM,EMM should be an inspirational manager for all direct reports (a box of donuts goes a long way).

Be creative.

BASIC QUALIFICATIONS
Basic qualifications are like the sign at the amusement park, “You must be this tall to ride.”

• Equally be able to speak and write in proper English, but squeeze a message into as few characters as possible without sacrificing comprehension.
• Understand the difference between dialogue and monologue; in other words, the difference between conversation and broadcast.
• Efficiently manage one’s time. We realize that it’s very easy to get sucked into comments on status updates, so avoiding it when it isn’t in accordance with the company mission is a necessity.
• The internet is the best place to lie—you can be anyone you want online—therefore the SM,EMM must be real and truthful. The “Poke in the Arm” test may be administered at the interview.
• Be able to work with the following sites/tools: LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Plaxo, Google, Alltop, Backtype, Blogger, Ning, Tweetdeck, Seesmic, Squidoo, Twitter Grader, Friend or Follow, delicious, Slideshare, YouTube, Vimeo, StumbleUpon, Digg, PRWeb, Scribd, Flickr, WordPress, TypePad, Technorati, IceRocket, Tumblr, TipJoy, Alexa, Wikipedia, and BaseCamp (this list may change, in fact will change, with daily frequency).
• Understand the following acronyms: RSS, SEM, SEO, PPC, CPM, CPC, LOL, IMHO, WTF, API, B2C, B2B, CTR, IM, PV, RON, WWW, TTYL, LMAO, ROTFLMAO, WYSIWYG and, most importantly, RTFM.
• Own a smartphone (at least one) and have a bountiful data/text plan.
  

PREFERRED QUALIFICATIONS
Preferred qualifications are like paying for the picture that was taken at the end of the roller coaster ride; they’re nice, but not necessary.

• The Triple Crown of social networking: 1000 Twitter followers, 500 Facebook friends and 250 LinkedIn connections.
• Finalist in the speed-juggling of tasks across multiple browsers, browser tabs, desktop applications and devices.
• Nimbly tactile; no fumble-fingers will be hired.
• Understand and be able to operate under both intended and emergent strategies (be proactive and reactive).
• Viral, but not contagious.
  

OTHER
It is a common misnomer that multi-tasking is a desired job requirement. We are looking for someone who realizes that multi-tasking means that nothing is getting your full attention. Therefore, we prefer that the SM,EMM be able to transition between tasks quickly and fluidly without loss of energy or heat.

Being in “the now” is a must in this day and age. Pavlovian responses in meetings to texts, cell phones calls, instant messages, email dings, Skype bloops or calendar alarms will not be looked upon with favor. We recommend the SM,EMM be able to show up to meetings with paper and pen.

Have read the following: Made to Stick, The Tipping Point, Good to Great, Cluetrain Manifesto, New Rules of Marketing & PR, Groundswell, Tribes, Here Comes Everybody, Naked Conversations, Freakanomics, and Wisdom 2.0 (applicant will be asked to provide a book report for each).

Please vote for my job description NOW! The contest has ended, but feel free to visit the Best Buy IdeaX web site.

What Gifts Do You Have To Give?

For the last few days, I've asked this simple question on Twitter (follow me @zamees by clicking here):

What can you give someone that will positively impact their life, other than money?

Now, before I give you some of the answers, let me write a little bit about the root of the question. Donating money is always the easy way out and, in this age, we want more accountability from our charities and other non-profits. We want to know that the majority of our donation went to the benefit of those that the non-profit represents. We want to know that we sent enough malaria nets to save 10 children or gave enough to feed a football stadium of people. These visuals are tangible, more so than the thought of $1000, because what's $1000 here vs. there vs. somewhere else anyhow? It doesn't really tell me what impact I had on someone or something.

So, instead of giving money, what can we give that really has a life-changing impact on someone? Most of us don't have enough money to make a massive impact on someone's life anyhow. So, what can we give?

From my many followers on Twitter, I got these excellent answers (in no particular order):

• Understanding
• Time
• Smiles
• Knowledge/Training
• Friendship
• Love
• Trust

Amazing answers... they beg the next question, how do we give these to others?

What if we walked up to the house of an elderly person and said, "For the next hour, I'm at your service, what can I do for you?" What if we stood on the street corner of a busy tourist area with a sign held up that said, "Free Directions" or even one that said, "HONK and I'll SMILE!"?

Now, take it one more step, and what if millions of us did it all on the same day at the same time? It'd be damn easy to arrange!

Who wants in? Let's figure something out that's fun and impactful!

#iamthe, Translated "I am the..."

I started a fun creativity exercise today on Twitter (follow me @zamees). It's quite simple, really, all you have to do is finish the sentence, "I am the..."

Here are some of the creative things that have already been submitted:

• #iamthe girl your mother warned you about.
• #iamthe guilty pleasure that you can't do without.
• #iamthe marble that used to be in your pocket.
• #iamthe mystery of me.
• #iamthe terror that flaps in the night.
• #iamthe itch you just have to scratch.
  

GOOD STUFF!

Why am I doing this? I want to see where people fall on the attitude spectrum. Do they see themselves as something negative or something positive? With each new #iamthe that is submitted, I record it and then assign it a positive, negative or neutral value. Let's see what the score is when we get to 100 #iamthe's!

You can follow the Twitter responses by tracking the hashtag #iamthe, click here to see the search string and examples from other users.

You can also submit your #iamthe in the comments below or to @zamees on Twitter..

Why are you such a freak show?

Freaky-deeky.

Does telling you that I'm hanging out in my PJs, sipping tea with milk, staring out the window and wondering what it is that I really should be doing say anything?

NO.

Then, why do so many people feel like they need to broadcast things that the rest of us don't give a HOOT about?

I dunNO.

If you're going to waste time on the Internet, you might as well do/say something different, unique and maybe a little freaky.

After all, you're still reading, right? You're still checking my Facebook page, right? You've no idea what I'm going to say next, right? You're following me on Twitter, right?

You betchu are.

The Drama of the Big-a$$ Purse

Seems my "big-a$$" purse tweets are causing drama with those that have big-a$$ purses! If that simply proves my point, then read no further.

[Picture from People mag]

"So, what's the big deal, bigBADbob? Why do you say big-a$$ purses are red flags for drama-laden ladies?"

Oh, let me count the ways.

First, the purse should match the occasion, not a purse to match every occasion. Unless you are a toting the chillins, then you don't need all that crap in your bag. Your big-a$$ purse makes us realize that you can't make a damn decision to save your life, so you carry around everything to avoid making all the decisions about the things that should or should not be in a smaller purse.

"But big-a$$ purses are known to save lives!"

Poppy-cock. I'm sure that someone saved a life somewhere at sometime because of some random piece of junk, like a lid to a Bic pen, that was buried in the toe jam at the bottom of some lady's bag, but believe me, a similar Bic lid is in your clutch, too.

Second, big-a$$ purses may actually be linked to health concerns. From the Ergonomenon Blog:

“I see so many women with neck pains and headaches and what I usually do is look for their purse and pick it up,” said Jane Sadler, a family practice physician on the medical staff at Baylor Medical Center in Garland, Texas."

“We take it over to the scale and weigh it and usually they’re anywhere from 7 to 10 pounds (3.1-4.5 kgs)…We’re really going to see women with more and more problems later on if we continue the big [a$$] purse craze.”

On a side note, one big-a$$ purse nearly knocked me off the sidewalk when it unexpectedly entered my path while running earlier today. I apologized, but perhaps it should have been the other way around.

"But my big-a$$ purse makes my a$$ look smaller!"

Third... um, yeah... we men are are already trying to figure out what you look like without your clothes on, so you think that big-a$$ purse is anywhere in the same galaxy as the image that we are trying to form of you in the shower?

Fourth, due to the weight of that big-a$$ purse, you are actually expending more gasoline to drive around in your car. That, plus the expense of said big-a$$ purse is probably taking a toll on your pocketbook. To apply true logic here, your lighter pocket book means that you don't have as much to carry, hence no need for the big-a$$ purse.

Say no to big-a$$ purses.