I've decided this past weekend that there's no going back.
With no intent whatsoever to rekindle lost love or even engage in sex, I saw two exs-turned-friends last weekend while I was traveling. They are both wonderful women and timing is the most logical reason why we didn't work together in a relationship. Timing is also one of the big reasons why we, as humans, think about going back... to see if the timing is right.
As many of you know, I've been writing a book about a man's journey to find true love. One of the major realizations that I've made while writing this book is that the man keeps doing the same thing over and over and over and over... and over. His belief in true love and a huge, romantic heart lead him to believe that any hurdle can be overcome, even those from his past.
But, in reality, you're never on solid ground when you go back. There's always something that is off balance to begin with. I left her. She left me. I was an ass. She was a bitch. I needed to chill. She needed to chill. Most of the time, these things just can't be overcome. And most of the time, I've never realized it until we were sleeping together again.
Then, it just gets ugly.
One or the other soon realizes the imbalance and how it can't be overcome. Suddenly, sex-kinda-like-love is just sex. I'm too emotional for just sex. I need the emotional bond to go with the physical one. Try as I might to be a real "guy," that shit just doesn't work for me... I wake up in the morning feeling like a complete ass.
So, there's no going back. If one of us fucked it up the first time around, then it's fucked up no matter how many more times we'd like for it to go round again. Deal?
However, there is one place where you can always go back. I'm a pros and cons guy and the longer one goes away, the more the cons get forgotten. You forget about when things were stormy, unhealthy, or lost. Oddly enough, with the one place that you can always go back to, I've historically harped on the cons and not the pros.
After 18 years, I finally came home--a place that I can always come back to--and I love the storms, the biscuits and gravy and the new roads more than I ever did while I was gone.