Knuckle-cracker

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"Why do you always show up after a heartbreak?" I asked aloud to no one while nursing a sore knuckle after having cracked it on the headboard. In my dreams, I'd been trying to save a penalty kick, and after I'd knocked it down, a dive was needed to punch it away. Fortunately for me, there was no one in bed next to me; unfortunately for my hotel neighbor, the punch made quite a noise.

The clock read only a few minutes later than it'd read when I'd asked it for another hour of sleep, which was not going to happen now that I was a soccer hero; there was a corner flag that I needed to hump, shirt over my head, while my team mates all dog-piled on in celebration, of course. But in reality, my hero status quickly faded, while the vision of her did not, hence the question.

We've known each other for many years, met in college, though we haven't spoken in probably the last four of them. I've been jumping around the country--Palo Alto, DC, KC, and now NWA--while she has had the pleasure of wedlock; from what I hear, life is great for her, and that makes me happy, though it was a little strange to walk my friends to a cab, which was going to take them to a plane, which was to deliver them to her wedding. Yeah, a bit strange.

There was a time in my life when I'd dreamed about her nearly every night for a week, and I knew that something was wrong, that she was entrenched in a decision-making muck that was troubling her. And, when I reached out, I found it to be true. However, her presence in my dreams this week hasn't been that type of feeling... it's the one that I so often get after I've struggled with a relationship in my own life. I admit, seeing her in that capacity makes me miss her, though I don't think that the two of us would have worked out; too many depth differences. So, what is she doing in my dreams, if not as a signal to reconnect? My relationship with her was the closest that I've come to considering a life-long togetherness, and I believe my mind prefers to hang out in that memory at night instead of continuing with furrowed brow in the thoughts that the daylight hours have recently presented.

It is the idea of True Love that I revert to in times when I have so recently failed to acquire it. And, in that regard, it is my prayer, my religion, that I have faith in the capacity of Love, and that I will not rest until I've found it with someone that has also found it with me.