Friday, November 14, 2008

The Drama of the Big-a$$ Purse

Seems my "big-a$$" purse tweets are causing drama with those that have big-a$$ purses! If that simply proves my point, then read no further.

[Picture from People mag]

"So, what's the big deal, bigBADbob? Why do you say big-a$$ purses are red flags for drama-laden ladies?"

Oh, let me count the ways.

First, the purse should match the occasion, not a purse to match every occasion. Unless you are a toting the chillins, then you don't need all that crap in your bag. Your big-a$$ purse makes us realize that you can't make a damn decision to save your life, so you carry around everything to avoid making all the decisions about the things that should or should not be in a smaller purse.

"But big-a$$ purses are known to save lives!"

Poppy-cock. I'm sure that someone saved a life somewhere at sometime because of some random piece of junk, like a lid to a Bic pen, that was buried in the toe jam at the bottom of some lady's bag, but believe me, a similar Bic lid is in your clutch, too.

Second, big-a$$ purses may actually be linked to health concerns. From the Ergonomenon Blog:

“I see so many women with neck pains and headaches and what I usually do is look for their purse and pick it up,” said Jane Sadler, a family practice physician on the medical staff at Baylor Medical Center in Garland, Texas."

“We take it over to the scale and weigh it and usually they’re anywhere from 7 to 10 pounds (3.1-4.5 kgs)…We’re really going to see women with more and more problems later on if we continue the big [a$$] purse craze.”

On a side note, one big-a$$ purse nearly knocked me off the sidewalk when it unexpectedly entered my path while running earlier today. I apologized, but perhaps it should have been the other way around.

"But my big-a$$ purse makes my a$$ look smaller!"

Third... um, yeah... we men are are already trying to figure out what you look like without your clothes on, so you think that big-a$$ purse is anywhere in the same galaxy as the image that we are trying to form of you in the shower?

Fourth, due to the weight of that big-a$$ purse, you are actually expending more gasoline to drive around in your car. That, plus the expense of said big-a$$ purse is probably taking a toll on your pocketbook. To apply true logic here, your lighter pocket book means that you don't have as much to carry, hence no need for the big-a$$ purse.

Say no to big-a$$ purses.


Tess said...


My mom always carried big a$$ purses because she said her kids were always giving her things to carry. I used to say "but mom, if you didn't have such a big purse, maybe we wouldn't assume you could carry all our crap!"

The moral of the story? Carry a small purse and a big stick.

Robert Zamees said...

Small purse.
Big stick.

Are you still supposed to speak softly with that big stick?

FletcherDodge said...

This recent quote seems apropos:

"I should've known somethin' wasn't right.The second you walked into my life carrying that big bag of crazy. Cause any woman with purse that big is bound ta have somethin' I don't wanna know about." -- Jason Stackhouse

Robert Zamees said...

BAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! Awesome quote.. still LOL over here.

Sarah J Clark said...

LOL Bob!

I don't have a big-a$$ purse, but take a look at this: and you might cut those chicks some slack.

Robert Zamees said...

The hyperlink from the previous post, for those that don't want to cut and paste.

BTW, I there is an allowance for a big-a$$ purse that is acting as an attache or a duffel or a briefcase.

MoxieMamaKC said...

I've always subscribed to the philosophy that purses are like goldfish bowls: the contents will grow to the maximum capacity allowed. I purposely keep all my purses a reasonable size. I see no need to carry a suitcase with me wherever I go. Big purses do equal women with big drama.

Keep it simple. Less is more, right?

Despite my maternal instincts, I don't need to carry a Costco size bottle of antibacterial disinfectant with me (I have a friend that does this and it's shocking to me.)