A Message To All Women

The message is simple...

STOP ACTING LIKE GIRLS!!!

I've recently watched all six seasons of "Sex and the City" at the behest of a woman I was dating. She said, "You could learn a lot by watching it." I wasn't one to disagree, for I'd never seen any of it and I believe that there are always things that one can learn. I must say, if the ladies spent less time talking to each other and more time talking their men that they'd be 1). Less psychotic, 2). More happy, 3). Focused on what matters in life.

The irony lies in one simple thing, she who asked me to watch, perhaps, needs to watch it again herself.

Conversation is what we'll always have as we grow old together, so there's no time like the present to start talking to each other. Your skeletons or your neuroses will eventually come out of the closet if you end up together. SATC is about four women who try to hide who they really are... like that's ever going to work. They strive for something perfect, when perfection isn't something that Americans believe in... perfection means that it can't be improved.

Personally, I'm miffed when someone thinks that they can "hook" me and then start to reveal what's wrong with them. Woman, just lay it all out on the table: childhood abuse, confidence, NBI, half empty glass, anorexia, unhappiness, lack of job satisfaction, broken heart, closet smoker... just give it up; our imperfections are what make us unique. If it isn't going to work later because of these, then it might as well come out now.

But, I ramble, I really just wanted to make one point--and make it loud and clear. If you don't talk to me, then I'm never going to know what's on your mind. Err on the side of telling me too much than telling me too little. I'm not a fucking mind-reader.

So, this woman I mention, she...

• Broke up with me via email. Childish. (See Berger's Post-It)
• Always assumed the worst. (See Carrie's insanely psychotic neurosis)
• Made up her own mind instead of talking about things. (See Miranda)
• Was sarcastically hurtful. (I don't have a character for that)
  

It's no wonder she was unbearably unhappy; the combination of being sarcastically mean and pessimistic would drive anyone into irrational behavior.

I've been guilty of dating immature woman, which my friends have tagged as "girls," and I've honestly been trying to avoid that trap. It would sure help my cause if y'all immature girls would quit disguising yourselves as women.

Seriously.

Okay, I got all of that out of my system. Next?

PS: The Big A$$ purse theory is alive and well.

The Drama of the Big-a$$ Purse

Seems my "big-a$$" purse tweets are causing drama with those that have big-a$$ purses! If that simply proves my point, then read no further.

[Picture from People mag]

"So, what's the big deal, bigBADbob? Why do you say big-a$$ purses are red flags for drama-laden ladies?"

Oh, let me count the ways.

First, the purse should match the occasion, not a purse to match every occasion. Unless you are a toting the chillins, then you don't need all that crap in your bag. Your big-a$$ purse makes us realize that you can't make a damn decision to save your life, so you carry around everything to avoid making all the decisions about the things that should or should not be in a smaller purse.

"But big-a$$ purses are known to save lives!"

Poppy-cock. I'm sure that someone saved a life somewhere at sometime because of some random piece of junk, like a lid to a Bic pen, that was buried in the toe jam at the bottom of some lady's bag, but believe me, a similar Bic lid is in your clutch, too.

Second, big-a$$ purses may actually be linked to health concerns. From the Ergonomenon Blog:

“I see so many women with neck pains and headaches and what I usually do is look for their purse and pick it up,” said Jane Sadler, a family practice physician on the medical staff at Baylor Medical Center in Garland, Texas."

“We take it over to the scale and weigh it and usually they’re anywhere from 7 to 10 pounds (3.1-4.5 kgs)…We’re really going to see women with more and more problems later on if we continue the big [a$$] purse craze.”

On a side note, one big-a$$ purse nearly knocked me off the sidewalk when it unexpectedly entered my path while running earlier today. I apologized, but perhaps it should have been the other way around.

"But my big-a$$ purse makes my a$$ look smaller!"

Third... um, yeah... we men are are already trying to figure out what you look like without your clothes on, so you think that big-a$$ purse is anywhere in the same galaxy as the image that we are trying to form of you in the shower?

Fourth, due to the weight of that big-a$$ purse, you are actually expending more gasoline to drive around in your car. That, plus the expense of said big-a$$ purse is probably taking a toll on your pocketbook. To apply true logic here, your lighter pocket book means that you don't have as much to carry, hence no need for the big-a$$ purse.

Say no to big-a$$ purses.