I don't see dead people. I hear crickets.

The time difference between Europe and the States sure makes for a quiet social mediasphere in the middle of my day. In Scandinavia, I'm 7 hours ahead of those in the Mid-west. Now that I've been here for a week (from Oslo to Stockholm to Oslo and back to Stockholm again), I'm missing the quick hits that I normally get in my workday that give my mind a second to reset while I reply to a tweet on Twitter or a comment on Facebook.

Image by Jonatan Ortega via FlickrAnd, I just don't understand why a few of you fools aren't staying up all night to entertain me and make me more productive. #Weaksauce.

Last night, Pia and I realized that I can tether (use her iPhone as a wifi hotspot) with her phone. In the States we can't tether our iPhones, but it's all good in Sweden. This makes me feel better about our coming trip to the islands on the west coast of the country. You know... a freelancer doesn't get any paid vacation, yo!

Notes:

• I think I had the most expensive beer I've ever had in my life while in Norway: $92 NOK, or about USD $15.
• ICEBAR at the ICEHOTEL is cold, but the drinks are terrible.
• Being in Scandinavia isn't "in your face" foreign like many other countries that I've been in: nice cars, hardly see poverty, you can even buy Doritos.
• I suck at posting pictures and I know that when I'm out of memory and must post pictures of my South America trip earlier this year that I will confuse the crap out of everyone and you'll all ask, "I thought you went to Europe?"
• Deal with it.
• Norwegian Airlines has been the least expensive carrier... strike that, "cheapest" carrier. When you select your seat, you pay extra. If you want a drink, you pay extra. #Weaksauce. However, a brand new 737 sure looks pretty... pretty obvious that you have to charge for everything to pay it off.
• After one week, leaning more toward the blondes of Scandinavia than the brunettes of South America--same beauty/less attitude, more outdoorsy/less clubby. Now, about whether I prefer Norwegian women or Swedish women? Hmmm.
  

Skol!

Is age just a number?

When I was in high school, I used to say such wonderful things like, "Life is more than a series of consecutive years," and "Cold is only in the mind." Yeah yeah, whatever, dude. I was remin

Image by THEfunkyman via Flickr

ded of this when I got into a discussion with a friend the other night about age and whether it's just a number. In my trek for true love, I have to consider age because I'd like to be a father of children that I helped to bear. Although I realize there are alternative ways to do this, my first desire would be to do it with my partner. So, for that case, I'm limited to an upper age limit in my search for the right woman.

Is age just a number?

Growth is an important part of life, physically and mentally. I believe that challenges breed growth. Someone that's 5-10 years younger than another could have easily faced more challenges in life and attained more growth than someone that's been fed with the silver spoon for 35 years. This is where my "horse girls are psycho" comment comes from; when you've been handed everything that you have in life, you'll stand around with your hand out a lot. On the other hand, if you've endured great challenges, if you've had to rearrange the plan that you made for yourself, if you've had to roll with the punches or find a new way, then I think you will be much more mature than those around you that haven't.

My foreign friends always laugh at American girls and their "plan" for life. Why? Because the plan is like a business plan these days, practically out-dated as soon as you finish writing it. If you write a plan in a way that details exactly what is going to happen and when it's going to happen, then you're setting yourself up for disappointment. And, it gets worse, if you do that and the entire thing is given to you, on schedule, then you've likely lost plenty of opportunities to grow and mature.

Emergent theory, expect the unexpected, is found in life.

So, the next time I say that I'm interested in a woman in her mid-twenties, don't gaffaw or tsk-tsk. Just because most women in their twenties are a mess doesn't mean that all women in their twenties are a mess.

And, most women in their mid-thirties are a mess, too. Hell, I'm kind of a mess when it really comes down to it since I'm so hell-bent on finding the right person like I was told to do in a dream 35 years ago... but that is a whole 'nother story.

A Message To All Women

The message is simple...

STOP ACTING LIKE GIRLS!!!

I've recently watched all six seasons of "Sex and the City" at the behest of a woman I was dating. She said, "You could learn a lot by watching it." I wasn't one to disagree, for I'd never seen any of it and I believe that there are always things that one can learn. I must say, if the ladies spent less time talking to each other and more time talking their men that they'd be 1). Less psychotic, 2). More happy, 3). Focused on what matters in life.

The irony lies in one simple thing, she who asked me to watch, perhaps, needs to watch it again herself.

Conversation is what we'll always have as we grow old together, so there's no time like the present to start talking to each other. Your skeletons or your neuroses will eventually come out of the closet if you end up together. SATC is about four women who try to hide who they really are... like that's ever going to work. They strive for something perfect, when perfection isn't something that Americans believe in... perfection means that it can't be improved.

Personally, I'm miffed when someone thinks that they can "hook" me and then start to reveal what's wrong with them. Woman, just lay it all out on the table: childhood abuse, confidence, NBI, half empty glass, anorexia, unhappiness, lack of job satisfaction, broken heart, closet smoker... just give it up; our imperfections are what make us unique. If it isn't going to work later because of these, then it might as well come out now.

But, I ramble, I really just wanted to make one point--and make it loud and clear. If you don't talk to me, then I'm never going to know what's on your mind. Err on the side of telling me too much than telling me too little. I'm not a fucking mind-reader.

So, this woman I mention, she...

• Broke up with me via email. Childish. (See Berger's Post-It)
• Always assumed the worst. (See Carrie's insanely psychotic neurosis)
• Made up her own mind instead of talking about things. (See Miranda)
• Was sarcastically hurtful. (I don't have a character for that)
  

It's no wonder she was unbearably unhappy; the combination of being sarcastically mean and pessimistic would drive anyone into irrational behavior.

I've been guilty of dating immature woman, which my friends have tagged as "girls," and I've honestly been trying to avoid that trap. It would sure help my cause if y'all immature girls would quit disguising yourselves as women.

Seriously.

Okay, I got all of that out of my system. Next?

PS: The Big A$$ purse theory is alive and well.

"Someone Said to Me..."

"... you should write the male perspective in women's magazines, there's such a shortage of men who are willing to talk about who they are and what they think!"

And so, my new mission in life, is to provide my wit to the women of the world. I've started with the Glamour blog, Smitten.

Too shy to talk to guys?
BBB says: You could do something that flies in the face of the world and simply admit the truth, "I think you're cute and I'm kinda nervous to say so, but talk to me and I'll warm up."

Yeah, like that'll ever happen... as I man, I sure wish you ladies would just spit it out!

So, in lieu of this world changing phenomenon, just giggle and say, "If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would it be?" By asking him a thought-provoking question you immediately have the upper hand because you've already got your own answer (right?) and you can measure him up by his answer. BTW, "in your arms/bed/pants" is a bad answer, but "holding your hand as we walk through the Louvre" is quite a good one. Good luck!

Do men like it when you wax?
BBB says: Balance is the key to so many things in life, if not everything. I want to walk hand-in-hand with my gal to tackle life's challenges even when that challenge is our individual shrubbery. And in that too, shouldn't we be balanced? If I trim and little and she trims a little, would that mean that we both get more trim together? Of course it does... and if you get daring enough to trim each other, then life really gets more fun and silly. *wink*

What DO I want?

With all this talk about "TailDating" and interviews with reporters and such, people keep asking me, "Bobby, what is it that you are looking for?"

I want someone to share my life with that understands that the goal is to walk side-by-side, hand-in-hand as often as possible. But we both realize that there are times when one needs to lead or the other needs to be led. We take care of business, take care of each other and get back to tackling challenges together.

More specifically:

• Female
• Single
• Age 28-38
• An intelligent, old soul, introspective woman that puts thought into conversation.
• A wise, mature, street-smart woman that has many experiences to draw from in her young life to assist in decision-making.
• A motivated, goal-oriented, strong woman who will walk side by side with me to conquer life’s challenges. But, one that can take the lead or let me lead when the time calls for it.
• A woman who will appreciate my chivalrous demeanor.
• A fun-loving woman with a wild streak, but one that knows when etiquette is needed.
• An active, athletic woman who can go with the flow or set the pace.
• A naturally cute, casual woman who can just throw on a hat and head out the door.
• A woman that understands love for a family and wants to start one of her own.
• A woman who enjoys art, culture, and giving back to the community.
• A woman who enjoys creativity in task, problem-solving, and spontaneity.
• A woman who keeps her nose in a book more often than a mirror.

By no means do I believe that there is someone out there that meets every one of these wishes. I believe that there are always trade-offs that have to be made between people that want to be together. In the above list, there are bullets that are more important to me than others... if I really wanted to provide a list, then I'd weight the items in it. Perhaps another night when I'm not propping up my eyelids with toothpicks.

I also believe that our imperfections, if you will, are what make us unique. I don't believe in perfection and who would want it anyhow? In this country's culture we are constantly trying to improve ourselves. Learn by doing. Learn by making mistakes. This is how we are... adolescent and constantly learning. You can't improve perfect, so it doesn't define us as Americans.

What do YOU need?