Tuesday, January 27, 2009

A Message To All Women

The message is simple...


I've recently watched all six seasons of "Sex and the City" at the behest of a woman I was dating. She said, "You could learn a lot by watching it." I wasn't one to disagree, for I'd never seen any of it and I believe that there are always things that one can learn. I must say, if the ladies spent less time talking to each other and more time talking their men that they'd be 1). Less psychotic, 2). More happy, 3). Focused on what matters in life.

The irony lies in one simple thing, she who asked me to watch, perhaps, needs to watch it again herself.

Conversation is what we'll always have as we grow old together, so there's no time like the present to start talking to each other. Your skeletons or your neuroses will eventually come out of the closet if you end up together. SATC is about four women who try to hide who they really are... like that's ever going to work. They strive for something perfect, when perfection isn't something that Americans believe in... perfection means that it can't be improved.

Personally, I'm miffed when someone thinks that they can "hook" me and then start to reveal what's wrong with them. Woman, just lay it all out on the table: childhood abuse, confidence, NBI, half empty glass, anorexia, unhappiness, lack of job satisfaction, broken heart, closet smoker... just give it up; our imperfections are what make us unique. If it isn't going to work later because of these, then it might as well come out now.

But, I ramble, I really just wanted to make one point--and make it loud and clear. If you don't talk to me, then I'm never going to know what's on your mind. Err on the side of telling me too much than telling me too little. I'm not a fucking mind-reader.

So, this woman I mention, she...
  • Broke up with me via email. Childish. (See Berger's Post-It)
  • Always assumed the worst. (See Carrie's insanely psychotic neurosis)
  • Made up her own mind instead of talking about things. (See Miranda)
  • Was sarcastically hurtful. (I don't have a character for that)
It's no wonder she was unbearably unhappy; the combination of being sarcastically mean and pessimistic would drive anyone into irrational behavior.

I've been guilty of dating immature woman, which my friends have tagged as "girls," and I've honestly been trying to avoid that trap. It would sure help my cause if y'all immature girls would quit disguising yourselves as women.


Okay, I got all of that out of my system. Next?

PS: The Big A$$ purse theory is alive and well.


Anonymous said...

I think you'd prefer six ft under with all your philosophical waxings.

Robert Zamees said...

I never got into that show... despite my new-found belief that "there's no going back," perhaps I'll give it another chance.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree with your entire post more. I have a small group of out of town friends this directly applies to. The odd thing is these "women" are all about 10 years older than I am.
I listen to them talk about their dates/boyfriends/husbands and their relationships and it drives me bat-shit insane! They tell me the things/events/feelings they keep from these men and I don't get it. I'm constantly telling them to be themselves, be honest and truthful. The reply? "Oh, I could never tell him THAT! I don't want to scare him away." Give me a break! He doesn't even know the REAL you. These "women" sit around and disect the relationships, overanalyze the men and never realize the issues start with them.

By the way...this applies to men/boys as well.

Wow. An email? Really? So sorry. Mean, hurtful, immature and negative...sounds like it's for the better.

Robert Zamees said...

Hallelujah, Rainbow!

Well, the chica mentioned in the post sought me out today to get her stuff back... said she could swing by and pick it up. No idea what changed between today and Friday, but I said No. You made your bed, now sleep in it.

She was stunned that I was angry with her...

1. She chose not to discuss what was on her mind until she'd made her own decision.
2. She used email.
3. She refused to meet to talk or to trade stuff.
4. She suggested I leave her stuff with her concierge.
5. She dropped me from all online networks.

I dunno, what would you think that you unknowingly did wrong?

I don't play that fucking game.

Anonymous said...

I just have to ask, if you are willing to share, if I have this right...

On Friday she skipped out on the relationship (VIA EMAIL!!!) with no explanation?
You attempted to figure out what happened and she wouldn't discuss it?
She asked you to take her things to the concierge?
Then out of the blue today she contacted you because she wanted to come get her things?

Robert Zamees said...


Robert Zamees said...

A friend on Twitter said, "She's hurt so she is acting out. Women are girls sometimes...especially when we like someone. Forgive us."

My response, "GROW UP!"

Anonymous said...

I respectfully disagree.
She's hurt? Who hurt her? What hurt her? SPEAK!
"especially when we like someone"...again, disagree with respect. That seems to me a bad excuse. For me if I like someone I want to be MORE of a woman, more mature and have an adult relationship.

Women CAN be girls sometimes, but to me it's like my definition of mature: knowing when you have to be; and when you don't have to be.

Robert Zamees said...

The "choosing sides" part is occurring now. Will my friends stay linked to her on the social networks, will hers stay linked to me?


Gimme a break. And, while I'm on that break, could you all please grow up.

Anonymous said...

"Breaking up" has a whole new ripple effect these days.

Anonymous said...

At least it didn't turn out like this:


Robert Zamees said...

Hmmm, is that better or worse than having the conversation in public via the wallspace on Facebook?


Thank you for sharing that story!

Robert Zamees said...

To the person that posted about the balcony: Please take no offense, but you revealed a bit of personal info (my residence) that I don't wish to share.

No harm. No foul.

Kendra said...

Amen to this post, Bob. I think the whole belittle men mentality in society today feeds this behavior. I can't even watch most television shows these days. They drive me batty with all the manipulative women and stupid-man/husband/boyfriend stuff.

Robert Zamees said...

A(wo)men, Sista.