Dear MLB...

Dear Major League Baseball,

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My team, the KC Royals, haven't been any good since the 80's. Hold on now, I don't blame you, the best decisions haven't really been made in this town to create a small market powerhouse like the Twins often are, but... unless you're going to figure out how to give us some better parity like they've discovered in the NFL (for some reason my Chiefs seem to be exempt from such luxury, but that's another post), then we've prepared a plan of action that will bring more life to teams that are on the verge of being mathematically eliminated from post-season play.

1. As soon as a team is mathematically eliminated, tickets to the remaining games are either free or $5 a pop for any available seat in the stadium. First come, first-served. Get fans in the gate, let them spend their dough on concessions and souvenirs, build loyalty.

2. Reimburse season ticket holders with concession vouchers or a discount on next season's games based on the number of "free" games that occurred. Remember, it costs more to acquire a new customer than it does to retain one. If you have a losing season (or 20), think "retention."

3. Require all of your players to sign autographs before every "free" game. Get fans to the park early, reap more from concessions. Duh. But, it also creates a personal connection between the fan and the player, an emotional connection that draws them to make the logical conclusion to come back to the park to see their new friend.

Now, when a team is on the verge of being mathematically eliminated, I realize that the home towns might actually BOO if they stave off elimination. In order to combat that good-natured ribbing...

4. Create sponsor-based incentives when the team avoids being eliminated. For instance, let's say my Royals are 18 games out of the Wild Card and 20 games out of first place in their division, with a loss, they'd be eliminated making, say, the last home games of the 17 left in the season "free." Should they WIN, then get McDonald's to give a free sundae with a ticket stub from that game to people on their way home. Or, if they WIN, then give out grab bags of all the left-over free souvenir crap that didn't get handed out during the season. This gets people to the park to see what will happen before the team is actually eliminated. It's a win-win situation for the community, either you get free crap or you can come back to the next home game for free.

FREEMIUM business model, dudes. For those that don't know, that means you give away something for free and then promote paid upgrades (like get in the park for free and then expect people to pay for concessions).

It's a HOME RUN.

Sincerely,
B & Pops

CHIEFS 4th Best Pass Defense in the League!

There is a reason why I don't listen to political ads on television. In fact, I rarely listen to what a politician has to say unless s/he is talking about what s/he wants to do or what s/he believes in. The reason is that you just can't possibly believe that you are getting the entire context of a situation about someone else when you are only hearing part of the story.

I'm going to boil this down for everyone here in the mid-west into terms that they can easily understand.

I heard on the radio today, "The CHIEFS have the 4th best passing defense in the league!" This is a true statement because they only give up an average of 153 yards per game through the air. That ranks behind Baltimore (92), Indy (141) and Tennessee (151).

Doesn't that just make you feel great... we have hope! Ummmmm, no.

Two of the top four teams that have the best defense in the league also have the worst run defense. KC gives up a WHOPPING 204 yards per game on the ground. The only team in the NFL that is worse is Detroit (208). Indy also stinks on the ground, giving up 199 per game. Passing is fraught with many more things that can go wrong, so if you can run on a team, then why pass?

The other two teams mentioned are actually good defenses for BAL only gives up 70 ypg on the ground and TEN 89 ypg.

To hammer the point home, KC has the 3rd fewest passing attempts against them at 64 (Indy is a close 4th). That's barely more than 20 pass attempts per game. The Chiefs have 111 rushing attempts against them (37 per game)! While most teams like to seek a balance in pass vs. rush, teams that are playing the CHIEFS are running almost twice as much as passing because we can't stop them.

Pathetic.

And this, mid-western kids, is why you need to get the whole story before you run off and believe anyone ever talking about something other than their own opinions, be it politics or statistics.

CHIEFS Worth a Pot to Piss In?

Not that many of us had expectations of a fabulous NFL season here in the land of the CHIEFS. But now that we are seeing first-hand the calamity that King Carl and the Herminator have created, it is time to focus less a team that's not worth a pot to piss in and focus more on the pots that we want to piss in.

I've you've ever traveled to a another stadium in the NFL, then you'll instantly appreciate the layout of the men's bathrooms at Arrowhead, aka THE TROUGH.

Denver's Invesco? LONG LINE.
San Diego's Q (Murph)? LONG LINE.

Architects of these stadiums have forced you to stand around in line instead of watching your team play ball. Of course, all those Bronco and Chargers fans probably prefer ball-watching in the bathroom instead of on the field.

Therefore, it is imperative that we KEEP THE TROUGH at Arrowhead.

KEEPING THE TROUGH means:

• We can more quickly get back to the field to boo Herm.
• We won't miss the next unknown QB going 3 & out (or, by some chance we make a gain of longer than 10 yards, you won't miss our only first down of the game).
• We'll see all the dropped passes by the Charles & Bowe (No)Show.
• Or, if you prefer, you won't miss a single rivet, girder or rebar going into the construction (which just may be more interesting to watch right now than the team).

FIRE HERM.

CAN CARL.

KEEP THE TROUGH.

TailDating at the CHIEFS game this weekend!

Two summers ago, I had a pocket full of dough and wanted to fulfill the lifelong dream of seeing a ballgame in every MLB stadium. I was gonna rent an RV and start checking those ballparks off the list. Most of those that I hadn't seen were on the east coast... which is nice since you only drive a couple of hours from one city to the next. The exception stadiums, of course, are where teams like the Bluejays, Marlins and Astros play... kinda out there and isolated.

I didn't want to just leave it at that, though. I decided that I'd video blog the entire trip. When I pulled into town I'd have two tickets to a game and I'd have to find a date. The hope was that we'd turn it into a fun exercise, maybe even a little parking lot competition to meet interesting women. Why? Well, 'cause ya just never know when you'll find the right one, do ya?

I'm not saying that I think I'd find my true love in a parking lot or even on TV (see "The Bachelor" story), but I'm sure you could meet some fun people!

What happened? I decided to follow a good friend into politics for a little while.

So, here I am in Kansas City dating my ass off... something like 5 different girls on 5 dates in 5 weeks and I've met some very interesting, cute, intelligent ladies, but you know the drill. The ones I like don't like me and I don't like the ones that like me. That's way over-simplified, but you get my drift, I'm sure. I must say, however, that I really did enjoy my time out last weekend at O'Dowds and Tom's... good conversation with someone!

And, I have two amazing 3rd row, visitor-side tickets to the HOME OF THE CHIEFS vs. the despised RAIDERS this weekend... maybe it's time to have a little fun with this sports-dating thing, eh?

How to help me find a taildate:

1. Here is an image and some pictures from my Match.com profile. View now!
2. Send an email to this address if you want to apply or recommend someone for the weekend tailgate and date.
3. Tell your friends about my quest to find a date this weekend! You never know who might know someone that knows someone that knows someone that might click!
4. Stay tuned to this blog via the blog feed for updates.

Thank you!

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Read the Monday night update about our first few entries!

Ohhhhhh-cho Loco

I Twittered a few weeks ago about how Chad Johnson, WR CIN Bengals, filed in Florida to legally have his last name changed from Johnson to Ocho Cinco and it seems that he has actually gone forward with it.

You see, Chad Last-Name-To-Be-Changed was fined by the NFL in 2006 for wearing "Ocho Cinco" on the back of his jersey. As I recall when watching the game, there was a grand production that centered around ripping the "Ocho Cinco" off to reveal his true last name, at the time.

NFL policy states that a player may only wear his (or her) last name on the back of the jersey. Now that Chad has changed his last name, will we see Chad "Ocho Cinco" on the back of his jersey this year?

You know what I'd really like to see? Trade Chad I-Haveta-Have-My-Name-In-The-Spotlight-Constantly to a team that has the number 85 retired. That list includes:

• DET #85, Chuck Hughes
• CLE/LA/STL #85, Jack Youngblood

Hmmmm... not prominent enough for Ocho-Loco. That boy will have to go to a large media market in order to fully test the limits of his ego. As a friend of mine said the other day, "Too much of a good thing is sometimes too much."

Anyone got an over-under on the time until Chad Johnson-Ocho-Cinco goes muy loco?

DirecTV's Faulty Policy Logic

(Please feel free to read Part 1 of this saga)

Dear DirecTV,

In the words of your specialist, your reasoning for removing the MLB package because it is "obvious that I wasn't using it since I was under suspension for so long" is contradictory to the reason that you can't "prove that I wasn't using your service" for the period between 7/1-7/7.

Absolutely ludicrous. Do you see the breakdown in logic? Obviously, proof has nothing to do with logic. Proof is based upon what the specialist thinks has been happening.

Let's see... I suspended my service and then changed my postal address to another part of the country. When I did so, I informed you that I was moving across the country and wasn't sure when I'd be able to schedule another installation.

You are telling me that you aren't sure whether I used your service (in fact, your actions dictate that you're adamant that I WAS using your service and that is why you are charging me) for 7 days in July and then called you to suspend it again. But, you are sure I WASN'T using the MLB package and you're cool with removing that charge. How do you figure?

I'll only briefly mention that when I called on 7/7 I was informed by your agent that I would not be billed for those 7 days. I even sat there on the phone with her while she tried and failed to remove the billing several times. I conceded to her word when she told me that she would get back to her manager and figure out how to "trick" the system and remove the charges. According to your specialist, however, because she didn't document her word, I am the one that has to pay up.

Why should I be loyal to you when you can't live up to your own word?

I'll be off to the Better Business Bureau and the FTC now. Thanks. I'll also continue my tirade on blogs, forums, Twitter, Facebook and all of the other places that I know allow me to use my word of mouth power to discredit your organization. It's already working in my own family as I've dissuaded my sister to avoid converting from their 3 receiver, HD/DVR setup that's currently on Time Warner.

All of this over $30? Your losses are adding up.

READ PART3 OF THE SAGA!

DirecTV Going Down the Tubes?

Being in the middle of a cross-country move, I suspended my DirecTV service for six months until I could purchase a new residence. And this is where we begin our story...

On a hot mid-western morning, I called DirecTV to extend my suspension for one more month since my condo construction had been delayed (which is a whole different complaint).

“Hi, I’d like to continue my suspension one more month.”

“I can go ahead and restart your suspension from now until August, Sir. But I can’t remove the charge that is already in the system for July.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” I replied. “You can’t remove a charge for a service that we both know that I don’t have installed anywhere?”

“Yes Sir, that is correct. The system won’t allow me to do that.”

Does anyone else get absolutely peeved when supposedly advanced technology trumps good customer service? This is like closing the grocery store when the power goes out because they can’t open the cash register.

I continued, “I’m sorry, but I just can’t believe that there isn’t some way to remove or credit a customer that has been with you for 7 years. Do you have someone else that I can speak with?”

“I’ll find a manager for you, Sir.”

After a lengthy wait, the service representative returned to the phone and said, “I’ve spoken to my manager and I’ve been informed that I can ‘trick’ the system to remove the charge that has already been billed.”

“Great!” I said.

As I waited for her to remove the charge, she began to complain that it wasn’t working. She tried a number of times, then said, “I can’t get it to work, but I’ll get my manager and we’ll take care of this for you.”

I simply said, “Thanks!” and decided not to bring up the fact that there was a solution to be found where she said none existed. Nor did I say anything else about a billing database that must be “tricked” in order to provide god customer service.

The phone rang. I look at my iPhone and saw that it was an 800 number that I didn’t recognize, so I let it go to voicemail. A few hours later, it was the same number so I answered and found nothing but silence on the other end. A few hours later, it happened again, so I decided to call the 800 number back and see where it was coming from.

DirecTV marketing.

So I decided to visit DirecTV.com to complain about the calls. What did I find when I got there? I found an outstanding balance for the time between the end of the original suspension and when I called to extend it one month. I had been assured that this was going to be taken care of! The charge was about $30.

I sent an email to inform them of their errors. Their reply informed me that I had an outstanding balance from when I’d canceled my account on 7/7. Canceled my account? I never canceled my account, I called to extend my suspension for one month! They also said that it would take 2-3 weeks for the daily 2-3 silent marketing calls to cease.

My reply to their email, which was meant to correct their assertion that I’d canceled my account was returned to me as a bounce back from their server.

What is going on with DirecTV?

So, I sent another email through their web site to re-establish communication.
Here is their response:

“I reviewed your account (150*****) and found that you originally suspended it until 7/1/2008. On that date, your programming and billing restarted automatically. You called us on 7/7/2008 to further suspend your service until 8/7/2008 and your request was processed. The partial month charges for the period, 7/1/2008 to 8/6/2008 are valid.”

The charges are valid? They may be valid to you, May P., but I was informed during an aforementioned call that they wouldn’t exist at all. Apparently, the rep that I spoke to previously never figured out how to “trick” the system properly.

May P. was also kind enough to inform me that:

“I also see that you were charged $42.25 for MLB EXTRA INNINGS. This is the first installment since you have the 2008 MLB EXTRA INNINGS Autorenew Package billed over 4 payments of $42.25. The season is until 9/28/2008. All DIRECTV sports subscriptions automatically renew at a special low price each year and are not refundable once the season starts. The renewal information for MLB EXTRA INNINGS was included on your DIRECTV bill prior to the season starting and we also notify all renewing customers with a letter. Since you did not contact us to cancel prior to the start of the season, we cannot credit, cancel, transfer or refund MLB EXTRA INNINGS.”

This is surely adding fuel to the fire, isn’t it? I’m almost positive that turned auto-renew off of this package last season, but the real point of the matter is that DirecTV wants to charge me for another service that we both know that I’m not using because I don’t have a system installed anywhere.

About 3 years ago I had a similar problem with the MLB package, where I did actually forget to turn auto-renew off. When I called their service department, they had no problem removing the charge. So, I ask, what is going on at DirecTV that they have thrown flexibility and good customer service out the window?

In my reply to May P., I informed her of the ridiculous nature of the above and that I’d like to have both charges for un-used services removed.

A new rep, Margorie P., informed me that:

“A specialist will respond as soon as an agent is available (likely within 24 hours).”

A specialist? First of all, use of the word “suspension” makes me feel as if I’ve done something wrong. Second of all, being informed that my issues would be “taken care of” sounds like they are going to take my account out back and shoot it. With the combination of words that they are using, I feel like a “specialist” is going to show up at my house named Sylvester Stallone and “take care” of me.

I’ll be honest, I like the way DirecTV organizes their channels and I really like the NFL Sunday Ticket. You can’t get the Ticket anywhere else and that causes me to put up with more poor service from them than I would otherwise. However, my new condo is two blocks from a fantastic sports bar and I’ve moved home where I can easily go see my favorite team play a few times per year. Therefore, Sunday Ticket is no longer a big reason to stick with DirecTV so that I can watch my favorite team play each week.

DirecTV has a choice. They are demanding about $80 from me and they can have it. It that continues to be their stance, then it will be the last $80 they get from me. On the other hand, my monthly bill on two receivers, HD and DVR service, plus the Ticket amounts to more than $140 per month. We can all do the math. If they can figure out how to be flexible enough to remove charges for services that I didn’t use, then they can begin to collect $140/month from me again. If they remain inflexible, it will be the last $80 they ever get out of me.

DirecTV, are you listening? It’s your call.

READ PART TWO!

I invite everyone to link to this post!