Hey Road Runner, meet my BIRD!

Abbreviated chat transcript from my online conversation with Time Warner this afternoon while inquiring about why they raised my internet rates without notification:

Image by chris jd via Flickr

TW: I checked your account to see that the revised rate for internet has been applied.

Me: So, you just raise rates without notification?

TW: You might have received an email.

Me: Might?

TW: Don't worry, you'll get more promotions and offices on your account.

Me: Offices? What the heck are you even talking about?

TW: Sorry for the typo. *offers

Me: Let me get this straight... you raised my monthly bill $5/month, but I shouldn't worry because I'll get more promotions and offers?

TW: Please let me know what you want.

Me: I want you to tell me why you think you can raise my bill without notification.

TW: Please check your SPAM folder for notification.

Me: I don't have a SPAM folder. I run my own mail client.

TW: Contact your local office for a new promotion.

Me: As far as I'm concerned, you ARE my local office.

TW: I apologize, but I don't have appropriate resources to apply a new promotion to your account which will reduce your bill.

Me: Why does the submission form for the chat client ask for my ZIP Code so it can connect me to a local representative if that local representative can't actually help me?

TW: I apologize for the inconvenience.

Me: You've done that about 4 times now. It's not helping.

TW: Is there anything else I can help you with?

Me: Yes, please remove me from all USPS snail mail direct mailings. You are spamming my mailbox about once per week.

TW: You will no longer receive any marketing email from us.

Me: LOL. Are you a robot? I don't get marketing email as it is. I DON'T WANT USPS DIRECT MAIL!

TW: Done.

Me: ***disconnect***

Who do you think you are... Bank of America? Just add $5 monthly fees wherever you like, we don't care!

Updates on Latest Customer Service Woes

1. LOWE'S: Once I figured out that they thought I'd purchased a clearance fridge vs. the new fridge that I actually purchased (I got a good deal, what can I say... 30% off), then they realized that they needed to get me one that worked and wasn't disfigured. That sparkly new fridge was delivered today.*
2. PIZZA HUT: 141 hours later, I've still not received my pizza pie. The email that I took the time to send to corporate headquarters must have fallen on deaf ears, for no reply has come this way. "Who cares, he's just a moolie in Kansas City!" Didn't the Hut get its start in MO?
3. INTERNET: After 3 visits, the engineers (these guys were really thorough) determined that the line running to my unit was mis-labeled "201." That's way off.
4. CONDO UTILITIES: I still don't have gas to the stove or the fireplace. I've been asking for them to come do this for nearly three weeks. In fact, I was on the phone with the developer this morning and he thought it had already been done... the super on the site said so. WRONG! Lying-ass ^%$^&%$.
   

* Speaking of the super... I called him last Friday to ask that my front door be removed from the hinges so that they could get this new fridge in here. He didn't call me back. I saw him jump into his truck and take off on Saturday... pretty sure that he saw me and split quickly. When the delivery guys showed up this morning (Monday), I called the super once again to ask that he send someone up to remove my door.

"I've given the keys to the management company and you'll have to contact them to arrange that. For liability reasons, I won't take that door off for you."

Liability? I'm the damn condo owner, idiot. I've got delivery guys standing here right now. You want me to sign a piece of paper, fine. Okay, I didn't say all that, but I was pissed largely because he screwed me by not calling me back last week.

So, I called the management company and they didn't have anyone near me. I asked them to call the super, but he still refused to do it. In fact, the jackass said that he didn't have anyone on the property to even do it!

So, I called the developer and got on their ass about how their contracted super was screwing me. There were two men here to remove my door 10 minutes later.

The super is a lying-ass %$#%^$#.

No Internet for Condo Men

I haven't been blogging much because I haven't gotten internet at the new condo, yet. My long history of bad customer service continued with Time Warner. Their tech showed up on Thursday at 11am and spent 3 hours trying to hook up my cable. He even called in backup to try and figure it out. His claim was that something must be wrong with the wiring between the basement and my third floor condo.

So, when the specialists arrived on Saturday, they had it figured out in about five minutes. Apparently, if the Time Warner tech can't figure it out, then they call on those that have more installation expertise. These particular gentlemen worked for a company that TW contracted to tackle the troublesome installations.

The problem was that the room in the parking garage where the cable comes into the building was locked. Saturday. DOH.

However, the specialists left the main signal wire and the one to the office identified in my utility closet, so I should have the internet on Tuesday. Thank gawd.

DirecTV's Faulty Policy Logic

(Please feel free to read Part 1 of this saga)

Dear DirecTV,

In the words of your specialist, your reasoning for removing the MLB package because it is "obvious that I wasn't using it since I was under suspension for so long" is contradictory to the reason that you can't "prove that I wasn't using your service" for the period between 7/1-7/7.

Absolutely ludicrous. Do you see the breakdown in logic? Obviously, proof has nothing to do with logic. Proof is based upon what the specialist thinks has been happening.

Let's see... I suspended my service and then changed my postal address to another part of the country. When I did so, I informed you that I was moving across the country and wasn't sure when I'd be able to schedule another installation.

You are telling me that you aren't sure whether I used your service (in fact, your actions dictate that you're adamant that I WAS using your service and that is why you are charging me) for 7 days in July and then called you to suspend it again. But, you are sure I WASN'T using the MLB package and you're cool with removing that charge. How do you figure?

I'll only briefly mention that when I called on 7/7 I was informed by your agent that I would not be billed for those 7 days. I even sat there on the phone with her while she tried and failed to remove the billing several times. I conceded to her word when she told me that she would get back to her manager and figure out how to "trick" the system and remove the charges. According to your specialist, however, because she didn't document her word, I am the one that has to pay up.

Why should I be loyal to you when you can't live up to your own word?

I'll be off to the Better Business Bureau and the FTC now. Thanks. I'll also continue my tirade on blogs, forums, Twitter, Facebook and all of the other places that I know allow me to use my word of mouth power to discredit your organization. It's already working in my own family as I've dissuaded my sister to avoid converting from their 3 receiver, HD/DVR setup that's currently on Time Warner.

All of this over $30? Your losses are adding up.

READ PART3 OF THE SAGA!