The 3 Nakeds

I've come to the conclusion that there are three kinds of people in the world...

Those that like to BE NAKED.

Those that like to GET NAKED.

And those that DON'T LIKE TO BE NAKED.

BE NAKED: Those that like to be naked automatically like to get naked. Being naked means hanging around the house naked, basically these are the people that simply don't like to wear their clothes much and aren't in a hurry to put them on.

GET NAKED: Those that like to get naked enjoy taking their clothes off or having them removed by someone, but when the act is complete (unless there is going to be another round), or whenever they wake up, then the first thing they do is throw on some clothes.

ANTI-NAKED: These people don't want you to see them naked or don't really have do anything naked at all. Yes, they exist... I've dated one.

There are some anomalies, but I tender that these are the three categories when you are in a relationship with someone that you like. So, if your marriage isn't what it's cracked up to be, then liking to be naked, but not get naked is possible, but when you were courting, you surely liked to get naked and be naked.

BE NAKED and GET NAKED people are compatible. ANTI-NAKED people are only compatible with other ANTI-NAKED people.

I'm a GET NAKED person. What kind of person are you?

Need a Lift?

"LIFT" is the keyword from the weekend. If you ask me to lift something today, I'll probably look at you sideways and not move a muscle.

1. FRIDAY: LIFTed a few beers to my mouth as we spent time with good friends at the lake.
2. SATURDAY1: LIFTed 4 ricks (2 cords) of wood from the ground to the trailer.
3. SATURDAY2: LIFTed the foot off the accelerator after a driver lost control, spun across the opposite lane, snapped a telephone pole and started a grass fire when the electrical wires kissed the ground.
   
4. SATURDAY3: LIFTed 4 ricks (2 cords) of wood from the trailer to the pile on the back-forty.
5. SATURDAY4: LIFTed a few beers to my mouth.
6. SATURDAY5: LIFTed all my crap into the 20' trailer in preparation for the move into the condo on Sunday.
7. SATURDAY6: LIFTed myself from the hot tub, made a brief stint in front of an ugly MU performance and went to bed.
8. SUNDAY1: LIFTed all of my crap from the trailer up 4 flights (via dollies and an elevator... which made it the easiest move ever) to the new condo.
9. SUNDAY2: LIFTed spirits as I realized more over the day that I finally have my own home again... and the "largest sectional couch ever created" has, for the first time, all of its pieces in the same room at the same time. It felt like too much couch, but it's starting to grow on me.
   

Condo Update

We closed yesterday and I spent the first night there. Seeing the view at night made all the frustration from the past six months worthwhile. More later!

The Condo That Wouldn't Close

If anyone out there can build me a 26" deep washer/dryer front-loading, exhaust-free appliance(s), then you'd solve my immediate problem. What problem is that, you ask?

Oh, well thank you for asking... my lovely and friendly neighborhood developers, MacKenzie House (yeah, the same builders that are 5 months behind on completion of the project) and their idiot architect (yeah, the same architect who doesn't understand natural gravity run for plumbing and the same architect who doesn't understand how deep the tread should be on stairs... I can talk smack about architects because I have a friggin' Bachelor's of Architecture)... anyhow, this idiot architect gave me a laundry room that is 28" deep from hookups to the interior side of the laundry room door. The smallest brand-known W/D you can get it 27 1/4" deep... 3/4" for hookups, I think not.

And, those lovely (aka, POS) stackable W/D units (yeah, the ones where the washer door only opens up about 45 degrees before it hits the bottom of the dryer) are the only ones that are 27 1/4" deep.

That's great... half million dollar condo and POS washer/dryer. Just great. Anyone want to buy my awesome front-loading -no-longer-need-a-dry-cleaner STEAM-based W/D that's 31" deep?

Perhaps you just want to regularly do my laundry for me? I should just put a washtub and waashboard in that laundry closet. GRRRRRRRRR!

Oh yeah, and let's not forget that the dryer exhaust vent seems dangerously close to the electrical wiring for the foyer/hallway switch panel.

DOUBLE GRRRRRR!

Backdraft Chicago

I came back to my friends' condo after the MU loss last night to hear a ton of sirens heading toward me from all different directions. All I had to do was step out on the balcony to see billowing smoke about 3 blocks from me. Threw the shoes back on and went to check it out... never imagined that it'd be a huge gathering of emergency services! Here are some iPhone pictures and my micro-blog of the event via Twitter (follow me).

• watching and listening CFD go to town on a burning building. Chicago & Wolcott.
• lots of glass being smashed. 2 ladder trucks. Another line into bldg.
• ferverishly pulling more line into building. Looky-loos building. Can hear firemen giving updates over radio.
• Lots of updates about location in bldg over 2 way. More firemen going in.
• 4 story bldg. H&R block at ground.
• Lots of shit being thrown out of bldg. Heard over 2 way, "no fire here. Further investigate."

• Lots more window smashing. CFD don't play. Pumper trucks still pumping.
• Fire coming up from first to second floor (overheard)
• Longest non-truck ladder ever raised from ground to third floor now.
• More sirens approaching. Hmmmm. Gurney waiting at entrance of bldg.
• 8 trucks that I can see. 3 ambulances. Countless support vehicles.
• More first floor glass pummeled. More sirens approaching
• Female EMS-PIC Murphy using hose leak to wet towels.
• (radio) we're gonna bring her out the front door
• Big time smoke from first floor adjacent bldg. More sirens approaching.
• Another gurney. And the sound of power tools.
• Smoke turning from white to black. Glass getting smashed over and over.
• Master use of pole axe only before seen in Diablo video game.
• Firefighters yelling, "anyone live in this bldg?" girl next to me says YA

• Hugging and crying happening behind me. "I was dead asleep in there and barely got down stairs"
• Overheard: "I'm glad your alive"/ "thank you!"
• Overheard: I was a little bit awake and burned incense earlier and I looked out my window to see flames (cough) and holy fuck!
• Another line going in. 2 fighters coming out with oxygen tanks ringing. Expired.
• Real American heroes walking out of bldg and declining wet towels.
• Real American heroes getting new oxygen tanks and going back in.
• Guy on phone behind me: my car is parked right in the middle of the action.
• Holy crap. Just looked around. At least 30 vehicles here now.
• Overheard smoke so thick nine blocks away (bar: happy village?) that they closed.
• Overheard: they brought a girl out. No idea on status.
• Last microblog. When these guys come out someone else pours them some Gatorade. Props to the CFD.

The Iron in Irony

This is going to be an interesting weekend...

The woman that I've spent the most time with in my life--relationship time, that is--just happens to be getting married this weekend. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm totally happy for her and our relationship(s) are many years ago. I think that she's with the right person (I knew him before she met him) and I think that they will be fantastic together. Well, that's an easy call too since they've been living together for several years already!

Irony #1: I'm in Chicago this weekend staying with friends from our college days. I helped them get into a cab yesterday to jump on a plane to her wedding. That was kinda strange.

Irony #2: I've been writing a semi-non-fictional book about a man trying to find true love. As you can surmise, most of the stories are from my own life. The irony lies in that I happen to be on the exact chapter of my life that deals with the episode of our life together.

Irony #3: And every station I turn to is playing her favorite performer, Billy Joel, or the band that we listened to constantly, Dave Matthews Band.

Irony #4: I don't know how much she is going to drink on Sunday, but I'll be doing my fair share! :)

Therefore, the iron in irony is not one that is in the fire; poking is not what it's about. The iron in the irony is the fortifier that I will get this weekend--the shot in the arm--by getting past this part of my book!

Good luck Dean & Stacy! I wish you the best!

OHHH, and thank you Jeff & Laney for giving me the run of the condo to write in peace while you are away. I can't leave yet, still 2.5 bottles of wine to consume! Heehee!

Chicago "Bean"

Welcome to what my Chicago friends call "The Bean." Maybe if I get close enough, this thing will give me a shave.
From the underside of the Bean looking upward.
Kinda like a fisheye lens, eh?
Candid shot with my friend Shelley-Shelley.
I definitely have to go back to The Bean someday with a high res camera instead of the iPhone... some really creative stuff that can be done there. Loved it! Thanks, Shel!

The Choice for Change

If you want to read a moving Editorial, then this is the one that you should put on your radar today. The Editors of "The New Yorker" have written an amazing piece on how our country must believe in the word "change" and make as large a change as we possibly can to make progress at home and abroad.

The article is called "The Choice" and I urge you to read it by clicking here NOW.

I'll warn you in advance that this is simultaneously a pro-Obama and anti-McCain article. In any Presidential election, we rarely get the ideal candidate, but in this one we've got one candidate that gives us a chance to avoid the pending collision of the economy, war, health care, entitlements, education and environment. A "maverick" is the last thing that I want in this age... please give me someone with the intelligence and charisma to make a difference... to be the change agent that we need.

The election of Obama—a man of mixed ethnicity, at once comfortable in the world and utterly representative of twenty-first-century America—would, at a stroke, reverse our country’s image abroad and refresh its spirit at home. His ascendance to the Presidency would be a symbolic culmination of the civil- and voting-rights acts of the nineteen-sixties and the century-long struggles for equality that preceded them. It could not help but say something encouraging, even exhilarating, about the country, about its dedication to tolerance and inclusiveness, about its fidelity, after all, to the values it proclaims in its textbooks. At a moment of economic calamity, international perplexity, political failure, and battered morale, America needs both uplift and realism, both change and steadiness. It needs a leader temperamentally, intellectually, and emotionally attuned to the complexities of our troubled globe. That leader’s name is Barack Obama.

Read the full article... for your country if not for yourself.

Thanks to @fredwilson for pointing out this amazing article in a Tweet this morning.

OWWWyang & Social Media Questions

I'm not a fan of Jeremiah Owyang because his writing style is quite pompous... and since I don't know him then his writing style gets translated to his character (If you're a cool dude, sorry man). However, I pay attention to his blog RSS feed (I couldn't stand following him on Twitter anymore) because there are some interesting nuggets that pop up once in awhile... like today.

Four Social Media Questions You Must Answer During an Economic Downturn

"Must" answer is exactly what I'm talking about when I say "pompous." No one has to answer anything and I'm not convinced that these 4 questions are the right 4, but that is a post for another day.

1. Is social media usage going to increase or decrease?
   Increase. If for no other reason than that technology gives brands better tools each day to monitor what is being said by consumers about them online which, in turn, gives them a low-cost opportunity to carry a 1-to-1 conversation.
2. Will brands and marketers increase spending and will the economic downturn force efficiencies or vetting of unproven business models?
   I combined his second and fourth questions because advances in technology can actually help to keep cost down by providing ways for us to optimize our time spent tracking and responding to social media opportunities.
3. Will social media improve comm within a business?
   This is a question that doesn't seem to fit the "must answer" part of his blog entry, but sure... forming groups that bring together certain stakeholders in a business can help, but nothing thus far has approached the effectiveness of what you can accomplish in one hour of face-to-face meetings.

I don't think I have too many social media / influence marketing folks reading my blog, but if you have an opinion, I'd love to hear from you.

Where's Bob? Two-festing & Road-trippin'

Bobby Blogger took a few days off, have you missed me? I'm going to give you a quick photo montage to get you caught up with what's going on in my world.

After having been immobile for most of the year, I've broken out and taken to the road! WOOT!

First photo is a shot from the Lee's Summit, MO Oktoberfest where my niece did the cutest little dance number ever... sassy-walk girl! She's just the cutest lil' thing and loves to dance pretty much non-stop all day and night. SMOOCH!

The next photo is from the KC Beer Festival (hence the play on words with Two-festing) where a good time was had. Unfortunately we hit up three bars AFTER the BeerFest and that pretty much ruined my entire Sunday. I definitely made a new friend in Brenda at the first bar we visited, then completely copped-out on a real dinner and macked on some chili-cheese fries (which will be the death of me), totally don't remember a debate about preferences in regard to sexual frequency (which I'm sure was more interesting than the VP Debate last week) and then hit up another bar on the way home. I think the tally was about a case of beer, three DarkRum+OJs and two Negronis. Oops.

Photo #3 was snapped cruising east on I-80 through Iowa. It's tough to tell, but this SUV flew past me swerving all over the road. The SUV was covered with Obama stickers and the trailer had a bunch of banners duct-taped to it. I later saw the trailer make an emergency roadside stop... hopefully this isn't an indicator of the campaign trail yet to come for the Senator.

The fourth photo is from last Saturday night. The Cubs got swept, but some lady in the bar was having a Bachelorette or Birthday party (after a day of bocce ball and drinking I can no longer remember which) and she made us all feel better with the best chocolate cupcakes I've ever had in my life. Thanks, Cupcake Lady. BTW, MIZZOU kicked some Cornhusker arse that night which made this MO boy feel better than the IL crew.

Reader VOTE...
Where should I stop on the way home from Chicago?

• The Bridges of Madison County (& home of John Wayne).
• Herman, MO Oktoberfest.
• A B&B somewhere on the Mississippi River.
• An MU game at Faurot Field.
• Tour an ethanol plant.
  

Log your response by placing a comment! Thanks!

What kind of assistance are we talkin' 'bout?

I can't figure out where the heck I saw this photo now--alcohol was involved--but I sure found it entertaining.

First of all, the WoW/Diablo Blizzard font really disturbs me. I'm pretty sure that I wasn't at an Internet gaming cafe.

Secondly, what kind of assistance are we talkin' 'bout here?

Third, what makes "Downstairs" a proper noun? Damn, there must have been something down there that I totally missed out on. Given the font I'm sure it was a medieval torture chamber a la "The Princess Bride."

Finally, who stole the periods?

Thank You,
Too

One Vote Gives $2 to a Charity of Your Choice

~UPDATE: They received the 40,000 votes in a handful of days... far ahead of schedule and the results will be posted soon. Awesome!~

Squidoo has launched a campaign whereby they are giving $2 to the charity of your choice. They've created a list of all their partner charities and all you have to do is pick one. It will end October 15th or $80,000, whichever comes first. When I voted there were less than 8000 votes cast, so get on over there and vote.

WAM! You'll give two bucks to a cause and feel good the rest of the day!

Personally, I've nothing against animals or the environment, but I get more satisfaction from helping people. I've been researching charities for a couple of weeks and I'm a fan of Room to Read and that is who I voted for.

No need to sign up for anything or enter any personal information. So if you want to give today, then simply click here and vote.

Baaaaaa or Bacon?

Iconowatch reports that goat, yes goat, is beginning to show up in mainstream and upscale restaurant menus.

"The other red meat: Goat, which for years has been relegated to taco trucks and Jamaican joints, is now showing up on more upscale, mainstream menus" (NYMag.com 8.18.08).

Apparently, chefs have embraced "nose-to-tail" cooking... which sounds totally gross. I'll just have a hot dog, which already has all the good parts in it.

HALT! Departure on Hold

Due to unforeseen circumstances, the road trip to Chicago is on hold. I started not feeling well yesterday morning and I haven't quite recovered. Hey Chicagoans, I cracked open a Linne Calado "Problem Child" last night... so YUM YUM that it made me feel a little bit better!

However, I will be fully into the contest tonight when the CUBS take on those DODGER dogs.

Hit the Road, Jack!

After a really crappy 2008 of little traveling and lots of recuperation, I'm finally going to hit the road and head up to the Windy city tomorrow. Partly in payback for messing up our annual wine trip to Paso (because I thought I'd be smack in the middle of the Unity08 Online Convention) and partly because my fav Senior Circuit ball club is the best in the NL and they kick off their post-season tomorrow vs. the Dodgers.

Torre against Pinella. Go Sweet Lou!

I will arrive bearing great gifts: 3 Tobins, 3 Linnes and 1 Wild Coyote... still packed from when I was allowed to stuff a few cases of wine on the private jet from San Diego to DC (that's a story for another day). :) There are also 3 wonderful ports in that box, but I don't think we'll be pounding those back in Chicago.

What I really want to write about this morning is "the road." I love the road. I've never driven the route from KC to Chicago, so I look forward to the experience. Now, I've driven KC to STL a billion times and KC to Des Moines a couple of times, so it's the second leg of whichever direction I choose that will be the new experience. I have this thing with highlighting the roads I have traveled on a map that's been with me since one of the times when I rolled from KC to Cali.

It's a strange concept if you've never done it... striking out on the road on your own. I've struggled through two books recently (Steinbeck: Travels with Charley and Least Heat-Moon: Blue Highways) because they just don't have any continuity. They are about driving around the country, so they read like a series of short stories. I suppose they are examples of how difficult it is to write about being on the road.

The continuity is in the traveler and not the travels. Heat-Moon hits the nail on the head when he says (and I paraphrase here) that "the road forces you to know yourself for there are times when you have been without companionship for so long that you crave a passenger, a pub or a canine."

My trek to Chicago won't be that long, but being back on the road after practically 6 months of being in the same place will be nice. And maybe, just maybe, I'll meander my way back home on the Blue Highways instead of punching the accelerator on the Red Highways.

700 Billion (Un)Served

Nice week for McCain:

• Call off your campaign to focus on the economy.
• Wiggle-waddle about whether you're going to debate.
• Absolutely stink at the debate.
• Call for a vote on a bill that doesn't have enough votes to pass (and crash the markets, thanks for that).
• Take off on your plane without making a statement.

And you say Obama phoned it in? You went crazy last week talking about how we have to and you will get this done. Boink. Where are you going on your plane anyhow? Mr. McCain, you made this a presidential politics issue. Now, more than ever, leadership must get together and pass something! Turn that plane around, dude.

Basically, McPain, you suck ass.

I Think Like an Old Person

The older gentleman looked at me and said, "You think like me. You think like an old person."

As I sat, sharing a table with two older couples at the LS Oktoberfest last night, we spoke of many things as the sun set behind the carnival's "Ring of Fire" ride.

It didn't dawn on me until later in the evening, but the statement that he made about me is very fundamental to who I am. On one hand, "thinking like an old person" means that I'm fiscally conservative. We were specifically discussing how ludicrous it is that rookie professional players get guaranteed millions whether they ever play a single down of professional football in their lives.

On the other hand, I believe that "thinking like an old person" is core to belief that we must be patient, we must understand the importance of earning/learning and we must be responsible for our actions.

One of my greatest fears in the evolution of our culture right now is the lost concept of earning. Each day it is more evident that instant gratification is killing the concept of earning. If you want something you simply go get it. You don't earn it. Credit card companies will give anyone a card and will raise your limit twice per year. They are contributing to the death of earning. There is no reason to be patient anymore.

I remember having to wait for a song on the radio and quickly pressing play and record.

Although the time is NOW for action whenever I write as a marketer, consumers need to understand the consequences and be responsible for them. It pains me to agree with a plan that helps to bail out bad business decisions, but I believe that we do need to help some of our fellow Americans to keep their homes.

My older friend has advice for all of us, "Stop betting on the come." In other words, stop putting so much into unproven potential and risky practice.

In closing, I said that I just need to find a woman who also "thinks like an old person" and he said he had one for me, but his daughter had just gotten married. Darn it!

RSS Feeds, The Conversation Continues

From Andy Sernovitz's "Damn, I Wish I'd Thought of That" blog and to continue the post that I wrote last week about RSS Feeds:

Why are RSS Feeds so complicated?

Those of us in the social media business have done an awful job explaining them. We make it worse with a mishmash of terms for the exact same thing (RSS, XML, syndicate.) I think we should set an industry standard to just call them "feeds" and drop all the other terms, and use this symbol:

I had an really painful flight recently listening to a software engineer try to explain them to very nice, patient, and interested couple for 2 hours. (It didn't help he was trying to show them how it worked on his computer that was offline because we were on a plane. Grrr.)

The next day my dad asked me about them.

Here's my attempt at a clear answer to: "What are RSS Feeds?"

1. Many web sites publish updates whenever they have a new post or story. This is the "feed."
2. You can use a program called a "feed reader" to automatically collect all those stories so you can read them in one place. Think of it as an inbox for news.
3. It's quite handy--all your favorite stories come to you, instead of you having to go check a bunch of sites all the time looking for new stories. When there's something new, it shows up in your reader automatically.
4. There are also feeds for things like eBay searches or Craigslist posts. You could have your feed reader automatically track any new eBay listing for a particular item you are looking for.
5. You know if a web page has a feed if you see this icon: . It might also be near the top of your browser.
6. If you see these terms, they are all the same thing: RSS, XML, Syndicate This Site.

To get started:

1. Get a feed reader. My favorite is the free Google Reader. http://reader.google.com/
2. When you see the icon, click it to subscribe.
3. Start reading.

THANKS ANDY!

CHIEFS 4th Best Pass Defense in the League!

There is a reason why I don't listen to political ads on television. In fact, I rarely listen to what a politician has to say unless s/he is talking about what s/he wants to do or what s/he believes in. The reason is that you just can't possibly believe that you are getting the entire context of a situation about someone else when you are only hearing part of the story.

I'm going to boil this down for everyone here in the mid-west into terms that they can easily understand.

I heard on the radio today, "The CHIEFS have the 4th best passing defense in the league!" This is a true statement because they only give up an average of 153 yards per game through the air. That ranks behind Baltimore (92), Indy (141) and Tennessee (151).

Doesn't that just make you feel great... we have hope! Ummmmm, no.

Two of the top four teams that have the best defense in the league also have the worst run defense. KC gives up a WHOPPING 204 yards per game on the ground. The only team in the NFL that is worse is Detroit (208). Indy also stinks on the ground, giving up 199 per game. Passing is fraught with many more things that can go wrong, so if you can run on a team, then why pass?

The other two teams mentioned are actually good defenses for BAL only gives up 70 ypg on the ground and TEN 89 ypg.

To hammer the point home, KC has the 3rd fewest passing attempts against them at 64 (Indy is a close 4th). That's barely more than 20 pass attempts per game. The Chiefs have 111 rushing attempts against them (37 per game)! While most teams like to seek a balance in pass vs. rush, teams that are playing the CHIEFS are running almost twice as much as passing because we can't stop them.

Pathetic.

And this, mid-western kids, is why you need to get the whole story before you run off and believe anyone ever talking about something other than their own opinions, be it politics or statistics.

To Clear Up the Confusion about Obama vs. McPalin

* If you grow up in Hawaii , raised by your grandparents, you're exotic, different.
BUT IF...
* Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, a quintessential American story.

* If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
BUT IF...
* Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.

* Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.
BUT IF...
* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.

* If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
BUT IF...
* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive and next in line behind a man in his eighth decade.

* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
BUT IF...
* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and then left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a true Christian.

* If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
BUT IF...
* If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're very responsible.

* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America 's.
BUT IF...
* If your husband is nicknamed "First Dude," with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

This really clears things up for me, you?