HELP: How Would YOU Clean a Carafe Decanter?

I asked this question on Twitter/Facebook earlier today (@zamees) and got quite the response!

How do u scrub the inside of a carafe-style decanter?

Here's the deal... friends, including @tessk, came over a few weeks ago for a chat about life, love, work... you know, general bitchfest kinda stuff. We polished off... four, yeah, I think four bottles of wine. I decanted the first one, but then forgot to rinse the decanter. Seeing how I was hung over pretty much the whole next day, the wine in the bottom of the decanter dried up and it's impossible to get anything into the opening on that sucker.

I first tried soaking. That didn't work. So, I asked my Twitterati for help... these are the responses that I received:

• Call Mom, she will know what to do.
• Bleach.
• Bottle brush.
• In the coffee section of the store, they sell this stuff that you poor in and let it soak, I'm sure that would do the trick. Works on coffee pots like a dream.
• Throw it away and buy a new one.
• Pour in a little borax and then add some ice cubes. Then swish it around by spinning the decanter in your hand.
• Add vinegar to the soak mix.
• Try lemon juice and popcorn or rice for an abbrasive. put in some lemon juice, swirl to coat sides, put in a bit of rice or popping corn and shake shake shake. Let's just say that this is an effective way to clean "other" glass things that get sticky dirty "stuff" in them after prolonged use

Holy frijoles... from mechanical to chemical to one cat that's fully-supportive of the throw-away society.

What would you do?

Posted a picture of the solution!

5/52: "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy

Book #5 = "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy, 3/5 Stars
After reading the verbosity and 25 word sentences of Garcia-Marquez (well, I haven't quite finished it... maybe 20 pages to struggle through still), Cormac McCarthy was such a welcome short-sentenced, who-cares-about-punctuation style that I blew through the whole thing in 3 hours. Style is one thing; content is another story. The book pulled me to the end, begged me to finish it... and I did... and then I closed and it said aloud, "What the fuck did I just read?" It wanted 3 hours of the story before the beginning of the book and 3 hours of the story after the end of the book. I was left wanting and, to a degree, dissatisfied because I had too many unanswered questions. I'm just sayin. I'll still give it a 3 for entertainment value.

Book #4 = "Eleven Minutes" by Paulo Coelho, 2/5 Stars
Book #3 = "The Good Guy" by Dean Koontz, 3/5 Stars
Book #2 = "My Ishmael" by Dan Quinn, 2/5 Stars
Book #1 = "The Zahir" by Paulo Coelho, 3.5/5 Stars

When Companies Just Don't Get It

I'm posting this thread as an example of why I think companies fail to take advantage of opportunities that are present in this ever-quickening marketplace... by no means do I believe that there is an opportunity for ME at this company, but I approached them in a manner where I offered to discuss their business, the greening of America and the impact of the interactive web community when invited into the doors of a business.




Excerpt from my unsolicited email (2/11):
"This resume may seem off-target, but in today's world where we are becoming more aware of what we are throwing away—and how it can be reused—I believe that there will be certain industries that will birth the great companies of this century. It is with those companies that I would like to bring my skills to assist in that ascension from good to great."

I then outlined my skill set, the opportunities that may be present given the new Administration and that I'm available for any chance to converse with someone in their marketing arena. Honestly, I didn't expect an invitation, but I'm taking the shotgun approach to finding a job in KC.

It's their response that caught me as dangerously impersonal.

Their response (2/16):
"What position are you applying for? We are not allowed to take resumes without a specific position listed. Please take a look at our website www.deffenbaughinc.com for a full list. Thank you."

Deffenbaugh

Deffenbaugh? Who is Deffenbaugh? Am I to believe that some relative of the family business name (one that is actually called by their last name) is responding to unsolicited HR emails? If I called their office and asked for "Deffenbaugh," who am I likely to get on the other end of the phone?

So, I called em...
ME: "Hi, I need to speak to Deffenbaugh."
THEM: "Who?"
ME: "Deffenbaugh."
THEM: "What do you mean, Deffenbaugh?"
ME: (LMAO)
THEM: "Deffenbaugh is the company name, not a person working here."
ME: (LMAO so hard that I had to hang up).

This may be a case where the company is acting it's age... they've been around forever... they collect trash... so their dinosaur mentality may just be a function of who they are and what they do.

My response to them (2/18):
I appreciate your timely response, but I must take a moment to offer some advice. In today's world, where relationships are what develop loyalty, this response from you is far from warming.

I hope you take no offense to this... I'm a seasoned marketer with a specialization in developing community, aka relationships customers that has worked with both large and small companies around the country.

1. Your email is signed as "Deffenbaugh." Visions of templated responses and auto-regurgitation come to mind. If I called your office and asked for "Deffenbaugh," who would I get? The answer is no one.

2. In an effort to be nimble and react to opportunity, it is a wise business decision to keep good resumes on file. As Jack Welch, former CEO of GE states, companies go from good to great by being able to match talent and opportunity when one or both arise.

I wish you luck in your business.

4/52: 2009 Book Resolution

Book #4 = "Eleven Minutes" by Paulo Coelho, 2/5 Stars
Errrrr, Coelho? I think I'll have to chalk this one up to the ability, as a world success, to write about whatever you want.


Book #3 = "The Good Guy" by Dean Koontz
Book #2 = "My Ishmael" by Dan Quinn, 2/5 Stars
Book #1 = "The Zahir" by Paulo Coelho, 3.5/5 Stars

"The Marketing Machine" Outtakes!

Visit The KC Marketing Machine!

LOL: The KC Marketing Machine

Too funny...



(Yeah, it's me). Check the KC Marketing Machine blog out.

3/52: Book Resolution

Book #3 = "The Good Guy" by Dean Koontz, 3/5 Stars
I blow through Koontz books, so they serve as good catch-up books for me. This was the first time that I read one, since I've been writing my own book, that I paid attention to the template that he uses.

• Good vs. Evil, of course.
• A calling, a life mission, a pull, "something coming."
• A 3rd party that assists the protagonist and through assistance gets roped into the climax.
• Loss to achieve gain.
  

Book #2 = "My Ishmael" by Dan Quinn, 2/5 Stars
Book #1 = "The Zahir" by Paulo Coelho, 3.5/5 Stars

Thoughts on the Publishing Industry

I'm newbie writer, but I've been thinking about this industry called publishing lately. It seems so antiquated after I've worked in technology for so long.

1. Most publishers require you to USPS mail them your work.
2. They also ask that you enclose an SASE.
3. They often state that response times are 3-6 months.
4. Many state to specifically AVOID sending them anything via email... even a query.

Snore. Most of the burden is placed on the writer. Perhaps, the process is intentionally cumbersome so that it wards off those that aren't very serious about it. On the other side of the coin, maybe there just aren't enough people to read articles and manuscripts on the publishers end, so they need to bottleneck to stay somewhat up to speed.

Where's the equivalent of the writer's market for the publisher? Why don't we simply log our work into the database, with the ability to push the piece to a handful of publishers or browse the requests that they have for pieces to be written? It's like we really need a Craigslist for writers and publishers... or an eBay... bringing buyers and sellers together... writers' circles to assist with editing... reputation ratings that work like digg, where the best articles in a genre bubble to the top where they can be auctioned off to the highest bidder?

Let's go people!

Two Questions About Reading

1. What are you currently reading or have recently read that you just couldn't put down because it was so good?

2. Why?

I'm on a 52 books (1 per week) pace for 2009 and would love some recommendations!

52 Things; They're Called Books

I've decided that I'm going to attempt a lofty goal: read one book per week this year. I watched an acquaintance attempt the task last year (I think he accomplished it). Since I've decided to take on this goal in the 4th week of the year, I'll have to find some way to catch up.

Book #1 = "The Zahir" by Paul Coelho, 3.5/5 Stars
Coelho fascinates me, always has. There are some quotable gems in this book, but the story feels drawn out and then the ending hits you and before you realize the story is over, it's done. Kinda closed it and then walked away instead of pondering the conclusion.

Book #2 = "My Ishmael" by Dan Quinn (in progress)
I LOVED "Ismael," but I'm struggling through the sequel right now because the main (human) character is a 12 year old girl that talks like a 50+ adult... just not suspending disbelief very well.

Wish me luck!

And, drop me some recommendations on good things that you're reading.

Are we ceasing to be a mobile culture?

Mobility is key to being an American.

Our ancestors, for most of us anyhow, traveled across the ocean to find a new home. And then, they took wagons and trains across the country at the heed of Greeley to “Go West.” Mobility is so ingrained in our genetics that we have to stay on the move or we feel dead.

We learn to drive before we learn to drink. We learn to drive at a young age because it allows us to more easily begin work. We Americans have a crazy, innovative, on-the-go feeling that we must always keep moving. When teenagers reach a certain age, parents kick them out into the world to fend for themselves.

We hate hospitals because they won’t let us get out of bed or even leave without begin constrained to a wheel chair. But, we love doctors and nurses because they mend us so that we can, once more, be mobile. When our elders lose the ability to drive, they often fade away into death. We need our mobility in order to live.

BUT, the Current Population Survey found that fewer than 12% of Americans have moved since 2007, a decline of nearly a full percentage point compared with the year before. In the 1950s and ’60s, the number of movers was close to 20%. It has been declining steadily: 12% is the lowest rate since the Census Bureau began counting people who move, in 1940.
[NYTIMES.COM | 12.20.08 via Iconowatch]

Are we ceasing to be so mobile?

State of Mind: Exhilaration!

Well kids, here goes nuttin!'

I've just sent off my essay, "Inauguration of an Apolitical," to several entities for their consideration:

• Washington Monthly
• The Washingtonian
• The Sun
• And many, many influential others that may be able to help me crack my publishing virginity.

I'm rather amazed at the 20th Century technophobia of the publishing world... SASEs? Really? This tech-marketing-gone-writer guy doesn't even own any stamps. Correct that, didn't even own any stamps.

Anyhow, fingers crossed! Though I started kinda big for this round, I'm balancing that by now focusing on some different ideas for smaller periodicals: quips, columns and whatnot.

I'll get back to my BOOK tomorrow, just as soon as I wrap up this task!

Can I get a "WOOT! WOOT!"

A Message To All Women

The message is simple...

STOP ACTING LIKE GIRLS!!!

I've recently watched all six seasons of "Sex and the City" at the behest of a woman I was dating. She said, "You could learn a lot by watching it." I wasn't one to disagree, for I'd never seen any of it and I believe that there are always things that one can learn. I must say, if the ladies spent less time talking to each other and more time talking their men that they'd be 1). Less psychotic, 2). More happy, 3). Focused on what matters in life.

The irony lies in one simple thing, she who asked me to watch, perhaps, needs to watch it again herself.

Conversation is what we'll always have as we grow old together, so there's no time like the present to start talking to each other. Your skeletons or your neuroses will eventually come out of the closet if you end up together. SATC is about four women who try to hide who they really are... like that's ever going to work. They strive for something perfect, when perfection isn't something that Americans believe in... perfection means that it can't be improved.

Personally, I'm miffed when someone thinks that they can "hook" me and then start to reveal what's wrong with them. Woman, just lay it all out on the table: childhood abuse, confidence, NBI, half empty glass, anorexia, unhappiness, lack of job satisfaction, broken heart, closet smoker... just give it up; our imperfections are what make us unique. If it isn't going to work later because of these, then it might as well come out now.

But, I ramble, I really just wanted to make one point--and make it loud and clear. If you don't talk to me, then I'm never going to know what's on your mind. Err on the side of telling me too much than telling me too little. I'm not a fucking mind-reader.

So, this woman I mention, she...

• Broke up with me via email. Childish. (See Berger's Post-It)
• Always assumed the worst. (See Carrie's insanely psychotic neurosis)
• Made up her own mind instead of talking about things. (See Miranda)
• Was sarcastically hurtful. (I don't have a character for that)
  

It's no wonder she was unbearably unhappy; the combination of being sarcastically mean and pessimistic would drive anyone into irrational behavior.

I've been guilty of dating immature woman, which my friends have tagged as "girls," and I've honestly been trying to avoid that trap. It would sure help my cause if y'all immature girls would quit disguising yourselves as women.

Seriously.

Okay, I got all of that out of my system. Next?

PS: The Big A$$ purse theory is alive and well.

What Do I Want MY Life To Look Like?

We've been engaged in an amazing conversation about what others want their life to look like [READ IT]... and I'm ready to present what I want my life to look like... ready... set... go...

In my fictional den, there are two paintings that depict my life.

The first, which hangs on the wall to the left of the fireplace, is a Norman Rockwell-like painting of a man riding a unicycle down a cobblestone street. He looks sharp: top hat, tuxedo jacket, pressed white shirt, blue jeans and thick, white socks, but no shoes. He has one hand at his side and one on his chin in contemplation, an eyebrow raised. Above him, the sky remains in motion, shifting from day to night and through all four seasons. On the sidewalk of the street, from right to left, stand twin children, who look identical, a worn-out palooka and a gaggle of lookie-loo revelers crowding the window of a bar. The twins are a brother and sister holding hands and smiling at the passing man, while the revelers spill forth from the window while doing the same with their drinks. Between them, the tired prizefighter slumps with his head between his shoulders, laces of his gloves undone, shirtless, sweaty and tired of his trade.

On the right side of the fireplace hangs a Dali-esque oil painting of a pint of Guinness beer. Yet, the beer is not contained by glass, it is walled in by red brick. Spying eyes from the outside, trying to see the spectacle, live in dark spaces where the bricks have been chiseled away. In the liquid of the beer, there swims a harnessed fly, wings beating furiously in the dissipating foam, pulling a one-eyed brain. The fly has been captured by the intoxication of the liquid, but the brain is trapped by its broken wings and cannot leave the alcoholic prison. A brain-riding cowboy is saddled behind the eye, one hand on the saddle and the other holding a looking glass. Towed by the brain is a banner that reads, “VINO IST VERITAS.” The fly-brain-banner parade float endlessly circles the dark liquid forming the aforementioned cloverleaf pattern.

Between the two pictures is the masonry and heat of a fireplace. It‘s built from the local land with an oaken mantelpiece that supports trinkets from the past and a large mirror. The frame of the mirror is a rustic metal that has collected the wisdom from many years of overlooked dust. If you look into the mirror, you’ll find a woman basking in the warmth of the blaze, reading a book and sipping from a glass of red wine. Her resting place is that of a worn, brown leather love seat that has soaked up the caress of many conversations in its lifetime. Her own antique bicycle leans up against the bookcase behind her. She just so happened to finish her day before mine; some days the lighting of the fire falls on my shoulders and most days we're out on an adventure together. On her face, she wears the look of content, knowing that her man will soon ride home, collapse to the crunch of worn leather, latch onto her smile and begin an evening of conversation that will take them to unknowable destinations.

There are days when I have to entertain the masses by pleasing all of those that have expectations of me. If I had to commit myself entirely to their whims, the extroversion would ultimately wear me out. On other days, I must find the time to recharge, to let my mind loose so that it can push the limits of thought, strange and rational. Though my nomadic soul loves to wonder, it always wants to come home to the love found in the heat of a warm fire.

The look of my life.

This is how I feel today

What Do You Want Your Life To Look Like?

I'd like to prompt some discussion over the next few days. A good friend asked me a question this week as we were discussing life and love over many bottles of wine...

"What do you want your life to look like?"

I didn't understand the question, so I had to ask her whether she meant from my eyes or others? The answer, of course, was to forget about what others see, what do you want your life to look like. I asked her to ask the question another way and she said...

"What does your dream life look like?"

Now, that's a series question. I'm a realist, so I can't live--nor do I want--the life of a celebrity that's lost all privacy. Though I often get tired of the world, I still need to be with the people and in it periodically.

So, tell me, what does your dream life look like?

Mall Walk

The Mall in DC is a decked out for a party. WOOT!

Just about got run over by the officers making their way to Union Station last night to meet Obama's train. So, I stopped in Johnny's Half Shell and had a delicious bowl of warming gumbo while a jazz quartet played in the background. I was the only one in the whole place... what gives?

Anyhow, if you are in town, go see Katie and Ben behind the bar... great people that like to engage in great conversation.

Cheers,
B

D to the C

On my way, soon....

DirecTV Accounting is SO FOOKed

After settling the mystery charges from the last two months ($188), I called to cancel my account this morning. I didn't want to make the task too complex last week when I wanted to get credit for charges AND cancel... I was afraid the agent might also be chewing gum.

Lo and behold, when I asked if my account balance was zero, I was told that I have a credit in the amount of $83.

Huh?

Well, doing the math in my head and calculating the times when I simply capitulated and paid strange balance accounts to avoid having to threaten a "specialist" with sending a letter to the Better Business Bureau... it kinda works out that I get some dough back and get compensated for the pain in the ass that they've caused me for the last seven months.

Hinting About Marriage?

Are you one of those ladies that hints about marriage to your man?
(Glamour)

Well, QUIT IT!

BBB says: Stop playing games--stop hinting--and just talk about it. We men have a hard enough time trying to figure you ladies out, so just talk to us. Though we might not always be good at talking, simply tell us that the alternative is the aforementioned game... that'll get our attention.

What's your favorite date movie?
(Glamour)

An Officer and a Gentleman!

BBB says: Richard Gere, after having struggled to be loved his entire life, considers himself a loner, but in the biggest struggle of his life, he finds himself and his true love.

"YOU GO, PAULA!"

TV: Gov't Tool to Keep You Sane

I suppose the real question... since I'm without television service, by choice, am I slowly going crazy?

Is it the brain-dead act of watching TV what maintains the population's sanity?

Turn it off for a month (sorry @tessk) and see what happens. I guarantee that once you get past the fix, the boredom of not knowing what the hell you're supposed to do with yourself, then you'll find a place where you think.

Glory. Glory. Think-a-loo-yah.

Maybe you read a book.
Maybe you draw a picture.
Maybe you call your Mom and say hi.
Maybe you write a poem (or a lengthy book).
Maybe you clean the house.
Maybe you're baking a cake and stumble on the cure for cancer.

I dunno what you will do, but whatever it is, you'll be better off than watching the tube.

On the other hand, maybe you'll spy on the neighbors to figure out when you can steal their new Wii... perhaps, I should rethink this post before it starts a riot of humans who think. This is my greatest fear, that the violence that is found on TV satisfies the violent soul in us. If we didn't watch it on TV, then we might act it out in real life. I don't ever feel that way, but it is my fear for others.

Imagine that, if we all took the time to think about the world instead of watching it unfold on TV. Imagine it. As Americans, we are innovators, there is no such thing as perfection. Part of our motivation comes from guilt, so start feeling guilty about watching 3 hours of television every night. Feel guilty because you're killing your brain and training it to sleep while you're awake. Silly rabbits.

Imagine it, if you can. You might have to turn off the TV first, though.

WAKE UP Post: Anti-human

Go away you's that are sick, you's that are tired, you's that are poor...

I'm in my anti-human phase--tired of this planet and ready for a new one--which comes about once in awhile when I really have to focus on something important. I don't fully focus on myself very often, but this book that I've been writing has been consuming. The more I write, the more I realize what I'm trying to say.

It's a drug, this writing stuff. Gimme mo!'

This focus-on-myself phase often manifests itself in the real world as an I-don't-give-a-flying-fook attitude. And, come on, we all know that's exactly what it is.

I need a haircut, but why? Let it grow. Let yourself flow. Slow & lo.
I need to shave, but why? Grizzle my chinizzle.
I need to air out the boy-smell in my condo, but why? It's my cave.

I read. I write. I watch. I welcome the insanity of the task.

The Genius of Mixing Emotions

Saw Gran Torino last night and really enjoyed it... quite the entertaining flick.

I read a few reviews before I went to check it out, mostly because I had no idea what movies were playing at the theaters. One of them I read was quite scathing, it complained that the movie was written so badly that the viewer kept laughing during the tense scenes.

In my opinion, that was the point, it was written so well that the tense scenes gave you humor as a defense mechanism. It's Eastwood's character, who he is, because he's learning to feel as the movie progresses; he's learning to love what he formerly hated. If we were to get waylaid by each difficult moment, then we would have been spent by the time we got to the grand finale.

There were times when the crowd giggled so loudly that I missed the next line... it was great. We all need a good, hearty laugh and Gran Torino had plenty of them.

If I have one complaint, then it's the character of Thao and his scene where he reaches the apex of his anger... it felt like he left a lot on the table and didn't do a good job with it. It was superficial compared to what was supposedly inside of him.

I recommend checking it out! Dirty Harry made several appearances!

There's No Going Back, Unless...

I've decided this past weekend that there's no going back.

With no intent whatsoever to rekindle lost love or even engage in sex, I saw two exs-turned-friends last weekend while I was traveling. They are both wonderful women and timing is the most logical reason why we didn't work together in a relationship. Timing is also one of the big reasons why we, as humans, think about going back... to see if the timing is right.

As many of you know, I've been writing a book about a man's journey to find true love. One of the major realizations that I've made while writing this book is that the man keeps doing the same thing over and over and over and over... and over. His belief in true love and a huge, romantic heart lead him to believe that any hurdle can be overcome, even those from his past.

But, in reality, you're never on solid ground when you go back. There's always something that is off balance to begin with. I left her. She left me. I was an ass. She was a bitch. I needed to chill. She needed to chill. Most of the time, these things just can't be overcome. And most of the time, I've never realized it until we were sleeping together again.

Then, it just gets ugly.

One or the other soon realizes the imbalance and how it can't be overcome. Suddenly, sex-kinda-like-love is just sex. I'm too emotional for just sex. I need the emotional bond to go with the physical one. Try as I might to be a real "guy," that shit just doesn't work for me... I wake up in the morning feeling like a complete ass.

So, there's no going back. If one of us fucked it up the first time around, then it's fucked up no matter how many more times we'd like for it to go round again. Deal?

Deal.

However, there is one place where you can always go back. I'm a pros and cons guy and the longer one goes away, the more the cons get forgotten. You forget about when things were stormy, unhealthy, or lost. Oddly enough, with the one place that you can always go back to, I've historically harped on the cons and not the pros.

After 18 years, I finally came home--a place that I can always come back to--and I love the storms, the biscuits and gravy and the new roads more than I ever did while I was gone.

Welcome home.

"Someone Said to Me..."

"... you should write the male perspective in women's magazines, there's such a shortage of men who are willing to talk about who they are and what they think!"

And so, my new mission in life, is to provide my wit to the women of the world. I've started with the Glamour blog, Smitten.

Too shy to talk to guys?
BBB says: You could do something that flies in the face of the world and simply admit the truth, "I think you're cute and I'm kinda nervous to say so, but talk to me and I'll warm up."

Yeah, like that'll ever happen... as I man, I sure wish you ladies would just spit it out!

So, in lieu of this world changing phenomenon, just giggle and say, "If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would it be?" By asking him a thought-provoking question you immediately have the upper hand because you've already got your own answer (right?) and you can measure him up by his answer. BTW, "in your arms/bed/pants" is a bad answer, but "holding your hand as we walk through the Louvre" is quite a good one. Good luck!

Do men like it when you wax?
BBB says: Balance is the key to so many things in life, if not everything. I want to walk hand-in-hand with my gal to tackle life's challenges even when that challenge is our individual shrubbery. And in that too, shouldn't we be balanced? If I trim and little and she trims a little, would that mean that we both get more trim together? Of course it does... and if you get daring enough to trim each other, then life really gets more fun and silly. *wink*

Did you miss me?

iPhone Spell Check Cracks Me Up

Sent:
am i still on your lust of things to do today?

Intended:
am I still on your list of things to do today?

Hindsight:
They both sound dirty... whoops. Didn't mean it that way!

AHHHHHHH-HAAAAAAA!

There's a logical fallacy... well, it's more of a traditional fallacy... in the book that I've been writing and editing. Once I figured out what it was, then I fell fast asleep.

Really Brain, you could have made that one much simpler to discover. Seriously.

I Haven't Blog-Written for 8 Days?

Der-whoops.

I really don't know where the last few weeks have gone. I think there was a holiday in there somewhere, but it was lost in a mist of two things: alcohol and a lack of sleep.

I celebrated on the 23rd when I'd finished the second draft of the book by sipping a glass of wine at 10am, then meeting my uncle for lunch at noon-thirty, then picking up 4 copies of the draft and playing Santa around town... a drink in exchange for my draft... with those that are crucial to the direction of the third draft, then literary conversation with @tessk and her parents and then last call with @tessk herself.

Bed @ 4am. Whew. Slept for only a couple of hours.

Holiday eve turned into a celebration for making my uncle smile, which is apparently done by drinking a few (a sh1t-ton) beers and playing pool in the family pool hall. Meemaw and yours truly dominated, but lost the battle for Ultimate Champion of the World at the end of the night... oh well.

Bed @ 1am. Slept from 1-6am.

HoliDAY was kind of a blur of kids and wrapping paper. Though I found a short nap in the afternoon, I was feeling very big on eats and little on sleeps. That evening, GPL and I engaged in major book reading and discussion until about 11pm.

Bed @ 11pm. Fitful sleep that amounted to little more than an hour.

Holiday next-day began early with continued book work with GPL, 7am-1pm. We jumped out for lunch and after I ate, I crashed. Zombie-boy. Tried to come home for a nap at 4pm only to toss and turn. Tried a glass of wine. Tried a sh1tty book. Tried a lame movie. Nada on the sleepies. Tried to go back to bed and hit replay on my thunderstorm CD 3 times before the actual thunderstorm (yes, in December) and tornado watch kicked in outside. Got up to watch it and lost power around 5am.

Back to bed at 7am and slept from 8-10am. Two meesly hours.

Jerked around without having power today until 230pm. Couldn't take anymore at 630pm when I was so tired I had to hit the sack. After 30 minutes of sleep, something woke me.

Drat.

Fook it. I must have an ark to build or something... back to work on the book.

Why are you such a freak show?

Freaky-deeky.

Does telling you that I'm hanging out in my PJs, sipping tea with milk, staring out the window and wondering what it is that I really should be doing say anything?

NO.

Then, why do so many people feel like they need to broadcast things that the rest of us don't give a HOOT about?

I dunNO.

If you're going to waste time on the Internet, you might as well do/say something different, unique and maybe a little freaky.

After all, you're still reading, right? You're still checking my Facebook page, right? You've no idea what I'm going to say next, right? You're following me on Twitter, right?

You betchu are.

Life Status: Exploratory

As you've read in previous posts, I've buried my head into this book that I'm writing (No Darce, I'm not going to write the WHOLE story until after the New Year) with the plan to get the first phase of it done by the end of the year.

Meanwhile, I've started to explore employment options in Kansas City. It's a challenging region for me because I'm so used to being in San Diego, Silicon Valley or DC, where start-ups and venture capital firms are on every street corner. This is the land of some large corporations, lots of big advertising firms and several sizes of non-profits.

I've recently made friends at a couple of the ad agencies and their work is enticing. I've never done the agency thing, but being able to switch gears on a handful of clients would mesh with the way that my mind likes to operate. It loves to have a project in the foreground to occupy it while processing other projects in the background.

I've also been talking to some of the non-profits in town. In fact, I had lunch today with some fantastic women from CFCA, which brings in about $100 Million a year to bridge the gap between sponsors and children/elderly that need help in 25 different countries. Sponsorship helps them to attend school or get health care, respectively. The sentence that stuck with me the most from our conversation, "We're about the relationship."

I harp on this all of the time... how the content doesn't matter, it's the structure between the pieces of content that matters. It's the verbs and the emotion, not the nouns and the features.

"It's about the relationship." Awesome.
"It's about who you want to be in this world." Double awesome.

So, I sponsored lunch for two women who are doing good things in the world. ;-) Keep up the good work!

Chiefs Reveal 1/3 of My Xmas Gifts

1. CANCARL. Check.
2. FIREHERM.
3. KEEPTHETROUGH.

FanBUENOtastic. Keep 'em comin.'

Book Update

I've not been doing much other than writing my book. A few days ago, after basically locking myself in the condo for two weeks, I was chin-scruffy, the dishes were stacked up, the bathroom needed cleaning and the trash was overflowing. I took the weekend off from the book and fixed most of that stuff.

I didn't know what book I was writing until I wrote it. When I finally read it from cover to cover, I realized how to strengthen the themes and bring fluidity to it. I realized what story I wanted to tell.

I'm currently through 100 pages of the rewrite. Book is 250 pages and just short of 80,000 words. I anticipate that it will grow to be no larger than 85,000 words after this rewrite. At that time, those of you on the edit list will be getting an email from the main character, Soupy Heller.

Soupy created a Twitter account last week. He's not active yet, but if you'd like to add him, feel free to follow @soupyheller.

Torre's Pizza

What is it with me and pizza delivery in this new condo? I just called Torre's and asked to make a carry-out order. They put me on hold and never came back. Goodness. I'm starving... gonna walk over to Westport and grab something instead of calling Waldo.

Lunch & Perspective

I bought lunch for a veteran today. It wasn't any old veteran, it was my uncle and godfather. So, he didn't serve in any old war, he served in 'Nam.

I know that Thanksgiving was a week ago, but there are so many things to be thankful for. Thank goodness I:

• Never had to cook using slivers of C4.
• Never had to lie to my Mom about going back for another tour.
• Never had to steal an AK-47 because my new M-14 sucked ass.
• Never carried a deceased friend for 3 days back to camp.
• Never had to force anyone out of a village and then torch it.
• Never had to fight with the VA after fighting against Charlie.

Raise your glass. Hear. Hear. Semper Fi = Always Faithful.

40 Pages Out the Door, A Review

Me: Bob is nervously awaiting a review from the critic who got to take home the first 40 pages of the book last night.

Critic: I read it last night...couldn't put it down. I'm going to read it again today.

Me: Really? Is that bad like you didn't know what the hell I was talking about and need to read it again or good like you liked it so much you wanted to read it twice?

Critic: I honestly... sincerely thought it was amazing.

Me: I'm blushing.

Critic: Any girl that reads this is going to fall in love with you. I'm actually a little intimidated by you at the moment.

Me: You are too sweet.

Critic: I definitely see the therapeutic nature of this exercise, but I think it has mass application to a greater audience.

Me: Was never the point, but could be part of the dream. Seriously, thank you... I'm very re-energized by your comments... I'm really putting myself into this book, heart and soul both in the energy it takes to write and the opening up of my life stories.

Critic: It's really good. I'm impressed. Your writing style is very approachable and real.

Much Ado About Nada

If I'm not sleeping, then I'm working on this book. My initial goal for a complete first draft was October. I was a bit late on that one, but I'm not going to be late on this major edit that I'm doing, which I'd like to have complete by the end of the year.

Going back over the early writings (which were first compiled in March '08, but span throughout my life) has been a struggle. When I write, or edit, I put myself back into the moment. But, aside from that, the more that I tapped out this book, the more I found a particular style that the beginning doesn't reflect... therefore, lots of rewrites.

I gave out the first 40 pages last night to the cute chica that I've been dating, so I'm waiting to see what her response is like this morning!

Eek!

Fantastic Vid parody About Prop8

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Interview by KC Star Last Week

Did an interview and a photo shoot a few weeks ago about the new property that I'm living in here on the Plaza. It was printed in the KC Star last weekend.

“When I walked in and saw the amazing view out of the bay windows, I knew I had made the right choice,” he said. “It went from being a house to a home in one night.”

Check out the full article online, "Mill Creek Terrace: Plaza homeowner enjoys unparalleled views, urban lifestyle." [No longer online]

Mightier & Thickier!

The pen is mightier than the sword. In this case, it looks like the book is more thick (thickier) than the wine. I'm celebrating the printing of the first draft with a Pinot Noir.

Soon, I'll introduce you to the main character. He'll be very happy to meet you... that is, unless you already know him. Stay tuned!

BlogKC Napolean Complex

For an attempt to flame out a fellow blogger for reprinting the bus schedule from your blog and being a complete ass about it, I give you, BlogKC, the bigBADbob CSBK Bitch Slap.

My advice, don't invade Russia... even if you can see it from your window.

Palin As President

This is the most hilarious thing that I've seen... this morning... and I subscribe to the laughter trumps coffee in the morning method.

So... wake up you Maverick!

A Question for HB

Since Oden lives in your building, do you ever hear him singing in the shower? I'm quite sure you'd recognize it if you did.

Let Your Fingers Do the Talking

For years, I've been calling the phenomenon where my brain works faster than my mouth Progressive Dyslexia. The time delay that occurs between what I'm thinking, what's next and getting what I'd already thought to come out properly causes problems for me once in awhile. I'll transpose words, fumble syllables or flat out forget what I was going to say because my mind has already moved on.

I've noticed recently, that the same works for when I'm typing. I'm not sure whether I type too slow or think too fast, but I'll frequently type "me" when I meant "my" or, for instance, when I was typing something earlier today I said wrote "six months" when I distinctly heard my mind say "six weeks." But, I never catch those things unless I go back and proofread.

Strange. I'm a crazy grammar snob, so making these errors irks me to no end!

At least I don't mix up their/there, your/you're and its/it's. Maybe that's another thing that we should add a test for... you aren't allowed to participate online unless you know when to use the proper form of the word.

It took my years to learn how to spell commitment (committment) properly, but that's a whole different story. *wink*

LOOK, I just did that damn my/me thing in the last sentence! GRRRRRR.

The Logic of Cooking

I never cook for myself. But each time that I cook for others, self included, I absolutely love the experience and the activity. By myself, the buying, preparation, cooking, eating, cleaning and left-overs are just too much.

But when cooking for someone else, I absolutely swim in the opportunity to make something yummy.

Last night I went on an adventure to whip up some sauteed prawns and veggies. I think it turned out pretty darn alright. Sauteed the veggies a little bit long, but the prawns were delicious. Even more delicious was the satisfaction that the two of us received from the experience. Someone's day was made easier because we had to change our plans and I simply offered to cook, relieving the pressure from her schedule. I learned from the cooking experience while having great conversation present and putting a smile on someone's face.

My take from last night, because I'd never sauteed anything in my life, was that there is more logic to cooking than I ever before thought. Sure you can get creative with the ingredients, but the process of cooking just makes common sense to me. For whatever reason, I know what food should look like when it has reached done. Whether I get lucky is definitely debatable, but each time I try this or that I come up with a concoction that is more than just palatable.

I like to cook!

Sawed Off, Mate!

Those Brits, they sure get it. Iconoculture reports that:

"U.K. inventors have created a device that automatically screens out telemarketers, prank callers and phone scammers. TrueCall blocks telemarketers' numbers while letting trusted peeps through."

"If it doesn't recognize the dialer's number, TrueCall sends callers to a purgatory where they must identify themselves and wait for approval from the person they're trying to call."

Now, if you could direct the caller to a pre-recorded message specifically intended for those that call during the dinner hour (if you know what I mean), then we'd find the ringing of the phone to take on a brand new level of deviousness.

CSGK: Wild Coyote Wines

You, my reliable and wonderful readers, all know about the CSBK (Customer Service Bad Karma) that seems to follow me around everywhere that I go... no, no need to dig up the past. You can find a billion examples if you just scroll through the blog (no, Pizza Hut never delivered that pizza).

Today I come to you with a story about CSGK (Customer Service Good Karma) that an amazing family vintner, Gianni Manucci of Wild Coyote Estate Winery, gave to me today.

My friends and I take an annual wine trip back to Paso Robles, CA, an area that we know well because several of us studied at Cal Poly - San Luis Obispo, which is right down the road. For the first few years of our trip, we had the same cool, fantastic, fun limo driver... a gentleman named D-U-G, Dug, yes Dug. Because he drove the area frequently, he always knew the up and coming wineries which is a huge plus because so many of them have sprouted up in the past 5-7 years.

Dug said, "You guys have got to go to Wild Coyote. Gianni is making some incredible wines in a beautiful winery."

"Lead the way!" was likely our response.

Well, I became a Wild Coyote wine club member from the first visit and have taken every opportunity to stop in to grab more or call Gianni & family to replace empty soldiers. Many of my wine group are members of this wonderful little winery that concocts wine for the spirit, literally, on this incredibly beautiful piece of land with a California vineyard view. The Manucci's put their heart and soul into every single bottle that they produce... they care that much.

So last week when @tessk, Steve and I opened a bottle of 2006 Zin, which I wouldn't typically be drinking so young--I had to leave a lot of bottles prior to my move to some very lucky friends--it was carbonated! Carbonated? Yes, carbonated!

Strange.

I decided to check to see if one of my other 2006 Zins from Wild Coyote was carbonated tonight and, sure enough, it was. Hmmmmm.

Here is where CSGK kicks in. I emailed Gianni and got a very quick reply where he offered to replace all 3 bottles that were sent in that shipment. Gianni is definitely the man.

But, instead of just replying to his email to say, "Send 'em on out!" I decided to give him a call and add to the order... heck, if you're going to ship me free replacement bottles, I might as well buy a few to fill up a box and then everyone feels good about it, eh?

Gianni explained to me that he knew that the timing on when to bottle the '06 Zin was questionable, but he took a chance because he thought it would be an out-of-this-world wine... which is what we members look for from him. He didn't want to filtrate it before bottling because he didn't want to take from the flavor--the high standard of work that he has created for himself--in hindsight he wishes he would have done just a bit of filtration.

A large winery would never take this chance. Never.

But, in a wonderful gesture, Gianni made up for it in spades. Here's to Gianni, his family and Wild Coyote Wine. I urge you to visit their site or give them a call and order a few bottles for he told me that they are nearly out of their '06 vintage!

Wild Coyote Estate Winery
805-610-1311

My Holiday List

Dear beloved family members,
The following list is being provided to you as a courtesy service for the things that I may want/need for the upcoming holidays:

1. I want nothing.*
People in this country are losing their jobs and they can't pay their own mortgages because the economy is mess. Yes, I realize that we are lucky to be able to do these things and that:

a. Makes me feel ridiculous for spending frivolous dollars.
b. Makes me prefer to help them put food on their own tables.

2. A $90+ dollar ham/turkey is not necessary.
Two of them, since we can't figure out how to eat at one house, is even more ridiculous. On the matter of having two simultaneous Thanksgiving dinners... well, that just speaks for itself, doesn't it? Instead of working together on one meal, let's split up forcing more people to cook and clean for two meals. Maybe I'll fast with my wine cooler. Speaking of...

3. Someone else to give the family toast this year.
Since I doubt you will like it if I choose to boycott the holidays and work on my book on either a warm beach or beside the fire in a snowy cabin, then someone else will have to do the family toast this year because I refuse.

*If you just can't get past the need to give, then I will provide you with a list of charities that I approve of and you may send money in my name to them.

Since a vacation would likely rub you the wrong way, I am hereby announcing my interest in local volunteer work on Thanksgiving and Christmas. My absence from festivities, should it become the plan, will be noted in advance.

Sincerely,
Uncle Bobby

The Drama of the Big-a$$ Purse

Seems my "big-a$$" purse tweets are causing drama with those that have big-a$$ purses! If that simply proves my point, then read no further.

[Picture from People mag]

"So, what's the big deal, bigBADbob? Why do you say big-a$$ purses are red flags for drama-laden ladies?"

Oh, let me count the ways.

First, the purse should match the occasion, not a purse to match every occasion. Unless you are a toting the chillins, then you don't need all that crap in your bag. Your big-a$$ purse makes us realize that you can't make a damn decision to save your life, so you carry around everything to avoid making all the decisions about the things that should or should not be in a smaller purse.

"But big-a$$ purses are known to save lives!"

Poppy-cock. I'm sure that someone saved a life somewhere at sometime because of some random piece of junk, like a lid to a Bic pen, that was buried in the toe jam at the bottom of some lady's bag, but believe me, a similar Bic lid is in your clutch, too.

Second, big-a$$ purses may actually be linked to health concerns. From the Ergonomenon Blog:

“I see so many women with neck pains and headaches and what I usually do is look for their purse and pick it up,” said Jane Sadler, a family practice physician on the medical staff at Baylor Medical Center in Garland, Texas."

“We take it over to the scale and weigh it and usually they’re anywhere from 7 to 10 pounds (3.1-4.5 kgs)…We’re really going to see women with more and more problems later on if we continue the big [a$$] purse craze.”

On a side note, one big-a$$ purse nearly knocked me off the sidewalk when it unexpectedly entered my path while running earlier today. I apologized, but perhaps it should have been the other way around.

"But my big-a$$ purse makes my a$$ look smaller!"

Third... um, yeah... we men are are already trying to figure out what you look like without your clothes on, so you think that big-a$$ purse is anywhere in the same galaxy as the image that we are trying to form of you in the shower?

Fourth, due to the weight of that big-a$$ purse, you are actually expending more gasoline to drive around in your car. That, plus the expense of said big-a$$ purse is probably taking a toll on your pocketbook. To apply true logic here, your lighter pocket book means that you don't have as much to carry, hence no need for the big-a$$ purse.

Say no to big-a$$ purses.

What Kind of Love Do You Want?

Amanda Mandy,

I'm happy to have received your comment on my PlazaBUZZ blog about Club Blonde... even more happy to have discovered your blog, where I've enjoyed reading your most recent posts.

However, I saw no opportunity to return the comment! ;)

Because you've shared publicly, I'll share my story and my thoughts with you about your relationship...

Timing is just as important as attraction. I was lucky enough to learn this in my first serious relationship. I was trying to build a career and maintain a relationship. She was trying to build a relationship and maintain a career. At a different time and place, we might have been fantastic together. But in that time and place, we prioritized things differently. It was contentious.

What type of person are you seeking? Do you believe in true love? Is your current relationship reflective of what you think true love should be?

I'm a believer in true love. I'm not a believer in perfection. We will always have to work at things... matter-of-fact, we don't mind working on things to improve them. We're Americans, it's what we do. We forge forward and learn from our mistakes to get better at what we do. We do this for our entire lives, so having to do this in a relationship should be expected.

Most recently, I had been trading emails with two women who had captured my attention. With both of them, I had to simply ask for their pardon, but if they didn't have time for coffee, then I wasn't optimistic about their time for a relationship. Similar to you, I heard and respected their replies, "Not emotionally in a place in life for a serious relationship." So it goes, we move on.

I guarantee, if the right person walked into anyone's life at any moment at any time, there would be no such thing as bad timing. We all love a challenge, but I've no idea why we persist to force them into our relationships making them the biggest challenges of our lives. Shouldn't we be focusing on world hunger or helping the disadvantaged or walking the elderly across the street?

I'm upfront. I want to find an amazing woman to walk next to me in life. Dating to date isn't of interest to me. I want the world and all the ups and downs in it... those ups and downs quelled by the two of us conquering challenges together. I want to walk side-by-side with my significant other, but all-the-while knowing that there will be times when I need to lead, she needs to lead or either one of us needs to be led.

This is the love I want. This is how I define true love.

So I ask you, "What kind of love do you want?"

Sincerely,
Bobby

Liquor? I Don't Even Know Her!

The World Says, "GOBAMA!"

From Iconoculture.com,

"Not only did the world follow this election as if it were their own, but a majority would have voted for Obama if given the chance. A CTV/Global and Mail poll showed that Canadians preferred Obama over their own prime minister, Stephan Harper (CTV.ca 6.29.08). In France, Obama would have trounced McCain 9:1 (Independent 11.5.08)."

"Iconoculture Cultural Fluents report that their countries are not only enthusiastic and a little envious, but also relieved that this superpower elected someone they feel the world can work with. They pepper their comments with phrases like "a more caring form of capitalism," "better and fresher America" and "president the world was waiting for." They are also amazed that America voted for a member of the minority, which they can't imagine happening yet for, say, Uighurs in China, les Berbères in France or black youth in the U.K."

GO AMERICA! GOBAMA!

Not a Foodie, but Fills Up on Nicknames

I was sitting here thinking about writing (yeah, instead of writing) and made an odd realization.

I have a tendency to use food-related nicknames for the girls that I date.

(Yeah, I also had that dirty thought about eating cross my mind, but I'm choosing to leave it unsaid.)

Claire (don't cringe, this is the name we seldom say out loud) was "Cheaz" due to a combo of first initial and last name.

Katie was "KatiePie" because it was a play off the pet name "Cutie Pie."

Molly was "MollyPop" because it was a play off the word "Lollipop."

I'll have to dig deeper to see if any others have had this type of moniker. These three were the most obvious ones that entered my mind.

I'm "Soupy" due to the first letter (B) + my last name (Roth) = Broth, so I suppose it all makes sense.

Right?

Customer Service Bad Karma: Post #847

Yeah, most of my regular readers know that I get terrible customer service. In this economy, as Steve and I were discussing last night, I'm willing to go out and eat or pay for things more so if they go out of their way to help me. Otherwise, I'll drink MY wine at MY condo and pay much less.

Case in point, M&S Grill on KC's Country Club Plaza last night went out of their way to open up a bottle of wine just so I could have a taste of it. I ended up purchasing the bottle, of course I did!

UPDATES:

• Yahoo! is going on about 6 months with no response since I told them that I can't FTP to my web site.
• Match.com, when I told them that my email threads were all twisted up with various ladies' profiles, sent me the generic response, which didn't address my needs and has not gotten back to me since they said they would forward it to the tech team. That was about 3 days ago and my subscription has since expired. No need to renew when I can't read email.
• Pizza Hut, oh Pizza Hut, I foolishly tried to redeem the $20 credit that the Area Coach gave to me after an order never arrived. No one that I could reach on the order line could find my credit. I tried three times. In fact, the first guy said that he didn't know what I was talking about and straight up transferred me to another agent. Absurdly ridiculous, which is why I went to M&S Grill instead.
• DirecTV, the bane of my customer service world, after getting transferred all over the country (or so it seemed) and getting disconnected twice, I finally got to a woman that said I was in the right place, but she couldn't help me because I'm not the building owner.

And that, is your CSBK update for November 12, 2008.

How You Can Impact Me...

My friend, Steve, always says that there are 3 ways that you can impact him:

1. Because you can vote.
2. Because you can drive.
3. Because you can procreate.

I totally agree. I sometimes wonder if we should have a license for more than just #2. Being uninformed is simply not acceptable. Being an oppressive imbecile is even worse.

This Saturday, 11/15, at the JC Nichols Fountain on the Plaza (1230pm), there is a rally to repeal Proposition 8, which bans gay marriage in California and was passed in the most recent election.

I'm not gay, but I have many friends that are. I don't care what your religious leaders say, I am a believer in love and civil rights. To those of you in California that voted FOR Prop8, shame on you. Shame on you even more if you are or have ever been divorced. That's just hypocritical to claim that you are "protecting marriage."

Fortunately, you can be part of the movement to give human rights back to humans.

DC Inaugural Trip

Just booked my flight to DC for Obama's Inauguration... no idea where to stay yet, but I've always been nomadic and will figure that out as I go. :)

WOOT!

Change.gov: Fair to Middlin' So Far

I've been spending time on Obama's new site, http://change.gov, because I like how he transitioned from candidate to Pres-elect using social media. My hope is that he will continue to use the techniques in office that helped him to get there.

So far, the Change.gov blog is really just a means for posting press releases. That's a bit disappointing. When I was at Unity08, the most amazing part of the movement was the ability for Americans to log in and engage each other about the issues and the possible solutions we could enact to resolve them. I truly hope that Obama keeps the people involved in the process.

I realize that the issues are complicated, but we're inspired. That inspiration means that we are willing to pay attention and learn as much as we can about the issues so that we can make an informed decision on how best to resolve them.

The site is also accepting applications for jobs... very interesting. When I was in DC someone told me once that some unfathomable number of jobs are turned-over/created when a new president enters office. So, I really like that Obama is getting a head start and opening up the administration to as many job applicants as he can. Not sure what the vetting process will be like because it is going to be massive. But hopefully, the best candidates for the available positions will be selected.

To follow the process, I submitted an application. Hey, who knows, Obama might want an online marketing machine here in the middle of the country! Here is their auto-response:

Hello Robert,

Thank you for your interest in joining the Obama-Biden Administration. Within a few days, you will receive an email with a link to the more complete on-line application. Please be patient, as we are trying to respond promptly to the large number of people who are interested in working in the Administration.

You might be able to draw some parallels to what Nike has done. Their EKIN program launches experts into the field to evangelize their products to those that use them. It is this distributed network that is a such a boon to the brand... the EKINs have a real cache about them. Obama could possibly do the same by building teams of expert individuals in regions and cities (just like campaigning) that proactively and reactively engage Americans about America.

That would definitely be Change, eh?

Letter to Red States (Including Mine... Barely)

A friend forwarded me this email and it's just too good to pass up. As much as I hoped Missouri would go blue, we fell short by a few thousand votes...

Dear Red States:
If you manage to steal this election too we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get 85% of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama .

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in support of Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America 's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, the UC and UW systems, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Ole Miss, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia .

We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.

Additionally, we hope you realize that 38% of your population believes Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we "Lefties."

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

First Thing to Change: My Hope Hangover

What an incredible night!

At the last minute, I was invited to the main Democratic Watch party at the beautifully renovated Midland Theater (thanks, TessK!). I’d never been to a watch party, especially one that was likely to produce a win for my candidate. Little did I realize that the evening would be much more than just a party for me… and for the world.

When I arrived slightly after 7pm, the crowd was still sparse. Most of the local volunteers were still out on the streets doing their thing to get Democrats into office at the local, state and national levels.

I wandered around the Midland admiring the immense chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and the ornate woodcarvings on the walls. “Historic,” I thought, “this place hasn’t changed at all.” I’d been to the Midland once before when, as a child, my father brought me out to see “The Empire Strikes Back.”

As the night continued, both attendance and electoral votes were building for Obama. As CNN, the channel of choice at the party, put a state into Obama’s column, the crowd would stop their merriment and roar with delight. Pennsylvania. Indiana. OMG OHIO!

CNN reports that GOP insiders admit that the race is over, yet the crowd remains pensive. We are all waiting for the same thing, 270 electoral votes. A wave of energy—of Hope—that had been building for generations was coming to a crest.

While CNN breaks for commercials, the sound system at the Midland plays inspiring tunes such as “Change Is Gonna Come.”

“Oh, there been times that I thought I couldn’t last for long,
But now I think I’m able to carry on.
It’s been a long, a long time comin.'
But I know a change gonna come.
Oh, yes it will.”

The music takes my eyes from the projected television and prompts me to look around. White. Black. Asian. Latino. Tall. Short. Known. Unknown. Young. Old. T-shirts. Suits. Smiles. All smiles. Everyone sitting up straight or standing tall. Everyone smiling.

I was micro-blogging the event, so I tried to stay on the outside of the experience and looking in. I took a break for an Obama-dog and an ObaMerlot. In a corner of the lobby, I saw the head honcho for the Obama movement in KC pacing back and forth on her phone. Missouri wasn’t going to easily go blue, it was going to kick and scream. I could see the tension on her face; she wanted to win the battle and the war.

The wave crested around 10pm. It still gives me goosebumps to recollect the experience. The crowd counted down, 5-4-3-2-1 and CNN posted that Obama had won the election. This wave, made up of millions of hopeful Americans, flooded the Midland Theater and we all splashed about in it for countless minutes. I was no longer on the outside looking in. I was smiling, too. I was clapping, too. I was high-fiving, too. I was singing, too. The elation changed into dancing and singing. An old theater was colored with Hope. An old theater was remade into a kaleidoscope of Hope.

“YES WE CAN!”
“YES WE CAN!”

And then, I promptly got off of the wave. The very first speaker to stand at the podium kept repeating, “WE WERE RIGHT! THEY WERE WRONG!” in reference to health care, to taxation and to all the issues that were a major part of this election. “WE WERE RIGHT! THEY WERE WRONG!”

That’s not Change. That’s not Hope. That’s the same shit, different day.

Those that spoke to us were unknowingly confused. They spoke of unity, yet boasted of victory over their enemies. They spoke of Democratic success in the state that would give them license to lord over their enemies.

That’s not Change. That’s not Hope. That’s the same shit, different day.

I began to wonder if the evil Empire was the Democratic Party. Much like the Red Sox have become the hated Yankees, would the Democratic Party take the crown of hatred from the Republicans?

Congressman Cleaver took the stage. He spoke of how “YES WE CAN!” had changed to “YES WE DID!” His words brought me back to Hope. He said it was okay to strut a little bit tonight, a little bit more tomorrow and to put a skip in your step on January 20th, but that we must remember that “YES WE CAN!” is only the beginning. We have to come up with a new slogan and continue riding the wave of Hope and Unity.

McCain concedes. The watch party boos his recognition of Palin’s hard work. And just like that, division returned.

But then our Leader-elect entered the room with a calm, omniscient, kingly presence. His face filled up the screen and his spirit the entire theater. As he walked to the stage in Chicago, one of his volunteers was singing the National Anthem to us in Kansas City. Hope.

All I can recount from the emotion of Obama’s speech was what I Twittered to the world:

“Obama captured this crowd, this country, this world. We barely blink. Eyes and ears open. We're ready. Lead.”

It will be a few days before I fully realize the unprecedented nature of the experience that I had at the Midland Theater. The world is a different place this morning. I've realized that the Empire is truly the American people, the Empire is good and last night we executed the first step of a long-term plan to renew our country.

My ears are still ringing from the roar of the party last night. I’m Hoping that, at least, will Change.

For Love of the American Dream

I voted with a smile. I didn’t need to get up before the sun and stand in line, but I couldn’t sleep any longer. In fact, when I saw the line I became more exhilarated for the great opportunity that we have in this country to make a statement with our vote.

It was chilly and it took an hour to complete the task, but no one complained and absolutely no one that stood in line, or even did a drive by, turned and left. There was a sense of community amongst those nearest me in line. We were all telling jokes and talking about hope. We were liberals and conservatives, and we were there to fix the country.

However, no one was talking about politics and I find that to be a problem with our country. Just last night, a friend said to me, “Can I ask you a personal question?” He wanted to ask about my candidate preference. I have no problem talking about politics (or religion), for my freedom of speech gives me the right to do so. We ‘should’ talk about these things at the dinner table and amongst friends. “Of course,” I replied and continued with conviction, “Obama.”

There is passion in politics and that is the beauty of it! How do you form your own opinion if you don’t listen to the opinions of others? We should talk these things out whether we have a solid stance or we’re sitting on the fence. The community aspects of social marketing and Web 2.0 are making opinions more visible. I hope that will eventually make its way to the more traditional forms of media. In fact, we’re seeing some of the 24-hour news channels run opinions on their tickers and incorporate them into the newscast.

The fear machine is alive and well here in the mid-west: a Muslim, a terrorist, an illegal immigrant in the family, a harbinger of racial riots, the destruction of small business. For every person that brought these concerns to the conversation I asked, “How can you vote based on fear and not the issues?” You have to vote based on what they say they will do and, to a degree, what they have done. You have to do your homework and skim off the contextual slander to get to the foundation of the candidate.

So many people are voting based on what they think the candidate will do for/against them personally. I’ve always found that to be a faulty way to cast a ballot. It’s the hangover from issue-based, divisive voting that has made up the past couple of elections since the far right pushed to make the focus of the election such issues as abortion, flag burning, gay marriage and gun control. They did this to get more voters to the polls. I’m happy to see that more people are going to the polls for issues other than those that have historically divided us so greatly.

Vote for what is best for our country. We are a resilient, innovative population of Americans, but we need a true leader that can rally our spirit to forge a new world. It’s been a long time since there was a beacon of hope in the world. Today we have the opportunity to resuscitate the American Dream.

Go. Vote. Now.

Pizza Hut "Area Coach" Responds

Well, I'll be... Pizza Hut responds 149 hours and 33 minutes after I'd initially ordered the pizza pie to be delivered. I got this email from someone called the Area Coach Designate:

I am following up on the e-mail you sent about your experience with Pizza Hut in Kansas City, MO. I apologize for the inconvenience that you received, and I would like to talk with you about this matter. Please call me, at your convenience, at 816-xxx-xxxx.

Thank you for sharing your experience with me, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

What the heck is an Area Coach Designate? Is that kinda like Chief Yahoo!? I guess I'll find out when I make the call... he should love the story that I've got to tell. Maybe I should just point him to my blog entry, it'd be easier.

UPDATE 11/04/08: Pizza Hut Coach apologizes and offers to give me $20 credit on next order.

Updates on Latest Customer Service Woes

1. LOWE'S: Once I figured out that they thought I'd purchased a clearance fridge vs. the new fridge that I actually purchased (I got a good deal, what can I say... 30% off), then they realized that they needed to get me one that worked and wasn't disfigured. That sparkly new fridge was delivered today.*
2. PIZZA HUT: 141 hours later, I've still not received my pizza pie. The email that I took the time to send to corporate headquarters must have fallen on deaf ears, for no reply has come this way. "Who cares, he's just a moolie in Kansas City!" Didn't the Hut get its start in MO?
3. INTERNET: After 3 visits, the engineers (these guys were really thorough) determined that the line running to my unit was mis-labeled "201." That's way off.
4. CONDO UTILITIES: I still don't have gas to the stove or the fireplace. I've been asking for them to come do this for nearly three weeks. In fact, I was on the phone with the developer this morning and he thought it had already been done... the super on the site said so. WRONG! Lying-ass ^%$^&%$.
   

* Speaking of the super... I called him last Friday to ask that my front door be removed from the hinges so that they could get this new fridge in here. He didn't call me back. I saw him jump into his truck and take off on Saturday... pretty sure that he saw me and split quickly. When the delivery guys showed up this morning (Monday), I called the super once again to ask that he send someone up to remove my door.

"I've given the keys to the management company and you'll have to contact them to arrange that. For liability reasons, I won't take that door off for you."

Liability? I'm the damn condo owner, idiot. I've got delivery guys standing here right now. You want me to sign a piece of paper, fine. Okay, I didn't say all that, but I was pissed largely because he screwed me by not calling me back last week.

So, I called the management company and they didn't have anyone near me. I asked them to call the super, but he still refused to do it. In fact, the jackass said that he didn't have anyone on the property to even do it!

So, I called the developer and got on their ass about how their contracted super was screwing me. There were two men here to remove my door 10 minutes later.

The super is a lying-ass %$#%^$#.

Granny Gets Air

This is just too funny not to pass along. GO GRANNY! We could actually use some of this on the Plaza for all those idiots that don't heed pedestrians in the crosswalk.

Triple B Raps About His Digs

I know you love the Triple-B (bigBADbob) when he drops some phat lyrics about his night (last night) on the PLAZABUZZ. Check it, yo, by clickity-clicking here.